Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. what are the advantages and disadvtanges of this trend?

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Several aged person are kept in aged
care
Use synonyms
instead
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of their home. They are being not looked after by family
member
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members
show examples
.
Although
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,
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apply
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having
Wrong verb form
have
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merits
such
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as they can get proper
care
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in
care
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homes, there are
also
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some demerits which
is
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as
show examples
they will be detached from the family which leads them to suffer mentally. On the advantages side, they will have
proper
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a proper
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time table
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timetable
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for their every
needs
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need
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. They will meet other
people
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of
same
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the same
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age group with whom they can join
the
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apply
show examples
different leisure
activity
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activities
show examples
and be active. They will be on 24/7 service, so they do not need to worry about their food, laundry, cleaning, and medication. If they
are mentally prepare
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are mentally prepared
show examples
before going to
the
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apply
show examples
aged
care
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they will enjoy with new friends.
For example
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, many
people
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find it
as
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apply
show examples
a great option to live with
other
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others
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rather than
leaving
Verb problem
living
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alone in the home, where every
members
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member
show examples
are
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is
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busy in
thier
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his
own life. They will feel more valued. On the
disadvanatages
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disadvantages
disadvantage
disadvantaged
side,
leaving
Verb problem
living
show examples
far from family will make them
distress
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distressed
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. Living with totally unknown
people
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will make them feel isolated. They will not get food as per their choice, they need to change their timetable
according to
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the schedule of the aged
care
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. Grandchildren will have less opportunity to be loved by grandparents.
For instance
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, some
individual
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individuals
show examples
try to escape from the facility,
also
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some of them remain depressed and show
agressive
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aggressive
behaviour as well. In conclusion, leaving parents in
the
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apply
show examples
aged
care
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is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
negative trend. If it
increase
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increases
show examples
regularly like
this
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on
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in
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future
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the future
show examples
, there will be no proper connection between the different
generation
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generations
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. It will lead
the
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to the
show examples
risk of
increasement of
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increased
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mental illness for elderly
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by sarumanandhar36 on

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Task Achievement
The introduction can be more clearly defined. It is a bit abrupt and could be expanded to better introduce the topic and provide a clear thesis statement.
Task Achievement
Work on improving the clarity of ideas. Some sentences are unclear and may confuse the reader. For example, the phrase 'For example, many people find it as a great option to live with other rather than leaving alone in the home, where every members are busy in thier own life' could be clearer.
Task Achievement
Expand on examples and make them more specific to strengthen your argument. Specific examples and evidence would help in achieving a higher band score in Task Achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization is good, but some paragraphs could be more cohesive. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea, and that this idea is introduced clearly at the beginning of the paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to make your essay flow more smoothly, and to guide the reader through your arguments.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, demonstrating a balanced approach.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
You have made an effort to support your points with examples and explanations, which enhances the readability and persuasiveness of your essay.
Task Achievement
You have identified relevant points and ideas related to the topic, showcasing an understanding of the issue at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • professional medical attention
  • trained staff
  • social activities
  • interaction with peers
  • loneliness
  • safety features
  • round-the-clock supervision
  • well-being
  • careers
  • personal lives
  • emotional distress
  • abandoned
  • financial burden
  • quality of care
  • required standards
  • loss of independence
  • structured environment
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