Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. what are the advantages and disadvtanges of this trend?
Several aged person are kept in aged
care
instead
of their home. They are being not looked after by family member
. Fix the agreement mistake
members
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
having
merits Wrong verb form
have
such
as they can get proper care
in care
homes, there are also
some demerits which is
they will be detached from the family which leads them to suffer mentally.
On the advantages side, they will have Correct your spelling
as
proper
Add an article
a proper
time table
for their every Correct your spelling
timetable
needs
. They will meet other Change to a singular noun
need
people
of same
age group with whom they can join Correct article usage
the same
the
different leisure Correct article usage
apply
activity
and be active. They will be on 24/7 service, so they do not need to worry about their food, laundry, cleaning, and medication. If they Fix the agreement mistake
activities
are mentally prepare
before going to Change the verb form
are mentally prepared
the
aged Correct article usage
apply
care
they will enjoy with new friends. For example
, many people
find it as
a great option to live with Change preposition
apply
other
rather than Fix the agreement mistake
others
leaving
alone in the home, where every Verb problem
living
members
Change to a singular noun
member
are
busy in Correct subject-verb agreement
is
thier
own life. They will feel more valued.
On the Correct your spelling
his
disadvanatages
side, Correct your spelling
disadvantages
disadvantage
disadvantaged
leaving
far from family will make them Verb problem
living
distress
. Living with totally unknown Wrong verb form
distressed
people
will make them feel isolated. They will not get food as per their choice, they need to change their timetable according to
the schedule of the aged care
. Grandchildren will have less opportunity to be loved by grandparents. For instance
, some individual
try to escape from the facility, Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
also
some of them remain depressed and show agressive
behaviour as well.
In conclusion, leaving parents in Correct your spelling
aggressive
the
aged Correct article usage
apply
care
is the
negative trend. If it Correct article usage
a
increase
regularly like Change the verb form
increases
this
on
Change preposition
in
future
, there will be no proper connection between the different Correct article usage
the future
generation
. It will lead Fix the agreement mistake
generations
the
risk of Change preposition
to the
increasement of
mental illness for elderly Replace the word
increased
people
.Submitted by sarumanandhar36 on
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Task Achievement
The introduction can be more clearly defined. It is a bit abrupt and could be expanded to better introduce the topic and provide a clear thesis statement.
Task Achievement
Work on improving the clarity of ideas. Some sentences are unclear and may confuse the reader. For example, the phrase 'For example, many people find it as a great option to live with other rather than leaving alone in the home, where every members are busy in thier own life' could be clearer.
Task Achievement
Expand on examples and make them more specific to strengthen your argument. Specific examples and evidence would help in achieving a higher band score in Task Achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organization is good, but some paragraphs could be more cohesive. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea, and that this idea is introduced clearly at the beginning of the paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to make your essay flow more smoothly, and to guide the reader through your arguments.
Task Achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, demonstrating a balanced approach.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
You have made an effort to support your points with examples and explanations, which enhances the readability and persuasiveness of your essay.
Task Achievement
You have identified relevant points and ideas related to the topic, showcasing an understanding of the issue at hand.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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