IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

1.Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, governments should prioritise health care. Other people believe that there are more important priorities for taxpayers' money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 say that the
government
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 should spend taxpayer
money
Use synonyms
 on
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that there are more important the
government
Use synonyms
 should prioritise. On the one hand, the
government
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 should spend funds on
health
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care
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 because the most important thing to
people
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 is to have good
health
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. As long as the
government
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 can ensure that they provide a good
health
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care
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 service to their population, their
people
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 will be able to be the main labour force to improve the
economics
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economy
show examples
 of the
country
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that there are more important things the
government
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 should prioritize because of 2 reasons. The first reason is
government
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 should spend funds on education. Because the education system is a fundamental preparation for a
country
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 if it wants to grow in the future. It will lead to developing the main workforce which is of high quantity and quality for the
country
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.
For example
Linking Words
, Singapore's
government
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 invested a lot of
money
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 in
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system and today the resulted in they are even though a small
country
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 but become one of the most powerful countries in the world. Another reason is that the
government
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 should spend taxpayer
money
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 to boost the economy by improving the unemployment rate for their
people
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. It will help to release pressure on
people
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 who are
high
Correct word choice
apply
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paying taxes
as well as
Linking Words
 reduce the economy's dependence on those
people
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. By the means
time
Change preposition
of time
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, societies will be more equal, reduce social evils and increase happiness. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
people
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 think that
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government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should spend taxpayer
money
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 on
health
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care
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, it seems to me that there are more important things to prioritise.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, but the introduction could be expanded to provide a better context for the discussion.
coherence cohesion
There are noticeable language errors and awkward phrases that affect clarity, such as 'by the means time' instead of 'in the meantime.' Paying attention to grammar and vocabulary will help.
task achievement
Expand on the arguments to provide more depth and insights. While the points are valid, they could be further developed with additional examples and explanations.
task achievement
Your first paragraph on why healthcare should be prioritized is effective, but the example of Singapore in the second body paragraph could be more clearly connected to the argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and provides a clear stance, which is important for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Well-organized structure with clear paragraphs and a logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
Use of relevant and specific examples, such as mentioning Singapore, to support the ideas presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Fundamental need
  • 2. Economic growth and development
  • 3. Workforce productivity
  • 4. Preventive health care
  • 5. Cost-effective
  • 6. Long-term outcomes
  • 7. Health disparities
  • 8. Social equity
  • 9. Socioeconomic status
  • 10. Vulnerable populations
  • 11. Infrastructure
  • 12. Quality of life
  • 13. Knowledgeable workforce
  • 14. Economic propellers
  • 15. Balanced approach
  • 16. Diverse allocation
  • 17. Societal development
  • 18. Robust economic performance
  • 19. Public funds
  • 20. Health system burden
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