The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020
The illustrated line graph provides information about the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of people who participated
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
various activities
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
one public area in Melbourne throughout a 20-year period from 2000 to 2020.
Overall
, it is clearly seen that the figure of participants
joined
Correct pronoun usage
who joined
show examples
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
club
showed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remain
Verb problem
apply
show examples
steady, table tennis activity witnessed an upward trend and the community of
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
experienced a downward pattern during
this
period of 20 years. In detail, the biggest activity was
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
club. Over the period, society joined film
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
remained
stably
Change the word
stable
show examples
from 2000 to 2020 at just under 65 participants and just over 65 participants, respectively.
This
pattern
similar
Add a missing verb
is similar
show examples
like
Change preposition
to
show examples
people who join Martial arts.
In addition
, the number of people at table tennis and musical performances were
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
to just over 50 and approximately 27 respectively in 2020.
On the other hand
, the figure of non-professional dramatics rose in 2005 at around 27
then
decreased gradually between 2010 to 2020.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participants
  • social centre
  • comparison
  • trends
  • consistently popular
  • gained popularity
  • lost popularity
  • community interest
  • availability of facilities
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • external events
  • economic downturns
  • health crises
  • demographic changes
  • aging population
  • marketing
  • community outreach programs
  • participation rates
  • Melbourne
What to do next:
Look at other essays: