The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020

#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period

The illustrated line graph provides information about the

quantity

Change the quantifier

number

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of people who participated

for

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various activities

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one public area in Melbourne throughout a 20-year period from 2000 to 2020.

Overall

, it is clearly seen that the figure of participants

joined

Correct pronoun usage

who joined

show examples

film

Correct article usage

the film

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club

showed

Verb problem

apply

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Correct article usage

apply

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remain

Verb problem

apply

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steady, table tennis activity witnessed an upward trend and the community of

theater

Change the spelling

theatre

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experienced a downward pattern during

this

period of 20 years. In detail, the biggest activity was

film

Correct article usage

the film

show examples

club. Over the period, society joined film

club

Fix the agreement mistake

clubs

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remained

stably

Change the word

stable

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from 2000 to 2020 at just under 65 participants and just over 65 participants, respectively.

This

pattern

similar

Add a missing verb

is similar

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Change preposition

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people who join Martial arts.

In addition

, the number of people at table tennis and musical performances were

increase

Wrong verb form

increased

show examples

to just over 50 and approximately 27 respectively in 2020.

On the other hand

, the figure of non-professional dramatics rose in 2005 at around 27

then

decreased gradually between 2010 to 2020.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Tue Aug 13 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

156 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

participants
social centre
comparison
trends
consistently popular
gained popularity
lost popularity
community interest
availability of facilities
social factors
economic factors
external events
economic downturns
health crises
demographic changes
aging population
marketing
community outreach programs
participation rates
Melbourne

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The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020

Some people believe that parents are responsible for children growing into responsible citizens. Others think that teachers should do this. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money others argue that it is better to try and improve such situation discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many countries, plastic containers have become more common than ever and are used by many food and drink companies. Do you think the advantages outweigh dis advantage.