A large company in your area has decided to spend a certain amount of money , either to sponsor a local children's sport team for 2 years or to pay for to open-air concerts. It has asked for feedback from the general public. Write a letter to the company. In your letter • describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team • summarize the benefits of paying for the concerts • say how you think the company should spend the money

#company #area #amount #money #sponsor #children #sport #team #years #concerts #feedback #sports

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my thoughts and opinions. In our

area

, a large and prestigious company has indicated that it wants to provide

money

for 2 years from its own account for a

sports

fund

or an open-air

concert

. They said that they will consider the opinions of

people

in the

area

for the allocation of

this

money

. Among others, I am expressing my opinion. First of all, if I say the

sports

fund

; if

money

is allocated for

sports

, not only young children and teenagers, but

also

older

people

in the region will play

sports

In addition

, they are freed from health problems and become much healthier. If young

people

practice

sports

well, they can reach the world championship. It is not bad if they allocate

money

for

concerts

. Because there are few

concerts

in our

area

This

is because the

money

is not allocated only for

concerts

. There are advantages to paying for a

concert

For example

, since there are few

concerts

in our

area

, many

people

are more inclined to only TV or telephone. When outdoor

concerts

are held,

people

know that there are great things in real life. In the evening, after watching the

concert

, everyone goes on family trips. I think it will be better if the company allocates

money

for the

sports

fund

. Because they go to the

concert

for 1 day or at most 5 days, and the rest of the day will not have time for everyone. But if

money

is allocated to the

sports

fund

, teenagers can always do something and achieve some

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

. Yours faithfully, Qobiljonova Kamola

Submitted by omondavlat91 on Tue Aug 13 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on improving the logical flow of your ideas. Make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, which will help increase your coherence score.

task achievement

Make sure to fully address all points of the prompt in equal measure. Describe the benefits of sponsoring the sports team and the benefits of the concerts more comprehensively to boost your task achievement score.

task achievement

Try to provide more specific details or examples for each of your main points to add depth to your letter.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph focuses clearly on a single main idea. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.

coherence cohesion

The greeting and closing of the letter are well-done, which is important for maintaining formal letter-writing conventions.

task achievement

The writing tone is suitable for this type of formal letter, showing respect and a balanced perspective.

coherence cohesion

There are clear attempts to separate the letter into distinct sections, each with its own focus, which enhances overall coherence.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 150 words in writing task 1. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long letter will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 160 to 190 words in writing task 1. This will ensure a concise letter and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 20 minutes to write the letter and you need around 5 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long letter in 15 minutes.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

272 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Word Count

Society would benefit from a ban on all kinds of advertising because it serves no useful purpose and can be damaging. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In most countries disabled people are not catered for adequately, e.g. buildings are often inappropriately designed. Governments rely too heavily on charities and voluntary organizations to provide assistance and funding. What further measures could be taken to assist disabled people. Discuss.

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Fewer young people play sports these days. why is this? what can be done to encourage more young people to do sports?