IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

There is a problem with the changing rooms in the sports centre that you visit. You have complained several times but with no success. •describe what the problem with the changing rooms is • say what happened the last times you complained • explain what you want the manager to do.

#rooms #sports #centre #visit #times #success #•describe #manager
Dear Sir or Madam I am writing to complain about the changing room in the sports
center
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centre
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 and its customer service. I often use
this
 sports
center
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centre
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.
Reason
Add an article
The reason
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 I said
that is
,
this
 sports
center
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centre
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 has swimming pools, football stadiums, gyms and many more. But the problem I am experiencing is the changing
rooms
Fix the agreement mistake
room
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 ventilation system. You may think that it can not be
that
Correct determiner usage
a
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 big problem, but after you trained for more than
a
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an
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 hour or two, bodies temperature gets hot and as
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result of
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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some kind of
smells
Fix the agreement mistake
smell
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 starts to come out from your body. Because of
rooms
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room's
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 air gets dirty fast staying in there for at least a minute is going to get impossible. Not only
ventilation
Correct article usage
the ventilation
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 system, but
also
 customer service is
also
 unacceptable. Because I have complained about changing rooms for days and they did not respond to me once. Mistakes
happens
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happen
show examples
 in our daily life but
this
 one is kind of hard to accept. I would be thankful if you fix the problems that I wrote down. I look forward to receiving a resolution to my problem. Yours faithfully Safarov Abrorjon
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear structure where you separate each point into different paragraphs, making it easy for the reader to follow.
task achievement
While the main points of your complaint are clear, providing more specific examples, such as specific instances or dates, can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Consider including a concluding sentence or paragraph that summarizes your main points and reiterates your request for the issue to be resolved.
task achievement
Your letter clearly identifies the problem with the ventilation system and the lack of response from customer service.
task achievement
The essay provides a good mix of details about why the issue is significant and how it affects users of the sports centre.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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