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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows what anthroplogy graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in the work after five years.

The chart below shows what anthroplogy graduates from one university did after finishing their undergraduate degree course. The table shows the salaries of the anthropologists in the work after five years.
#anthroplogy #graduates #university #course #salaries #anthropologists #work #five #years
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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of 6 different job destinations of those who
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
graduated from one university after taking
undergraduate
Correct article usage
an undergraduate
show examples
anthropology
Use synonyms
 course. The table displays
a
Correct article usage
apply
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data
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
earning
Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
show examples
Change preposition
from in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
anthropology
Use synonyms
 career after 5 years
working
Change preposition
of working
show examples
experienced
Change the form of the verb
experience
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 in 3 areas of employment.
Units
Correct article usage
The units
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 given are percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, most of the
graduated
Replace the word
graduates
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 have a career
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
anthropology
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 working
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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full-time marked a higher figure among others
whereas
Linking Words
 only a
fewer
Replace the word
few
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 of them were unemployed and not known profession.
In addition
Linking Words
, more people will work
regard
Change preposition
in regard
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 to higher wages. Looking at the bar, more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of them work
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full-time.
As for those
Change preposition
Those
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 who
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 working
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full-time but still continuing their postgraduate studies accounted for 8%,
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 number as
unknown
Correct article usage
the unknown
show examples
 category. The people out of work fell a second close with 12%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, less than a fifth
shown
Wrong verb form
showed
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 in
part-timer
Fix the agreement mistake
part-timers
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,
however
Linking Words
, with
further
Linking Words
 studies, stood at the lowest of 5% people. Turning to
average
Add an article
the average
an average
show examples
 salary of
anthropology
Use synonyms
, the majority of freelance consultants and the
gorvenment
Correct your spelling
government
 sector meaning 80% of them earned more than 75,000 dollars. As for the private companies, 55%
workers
Change preposition
of workers
show examples
.
Submitted by tifjong on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words anthropology with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • undergraduate degree
  • anthropology graduates
  • career paths
  • further education
  • full-time employment
  • part-time work
  • self-employment
  • postgraduate studies
  • salary progression
  • salary growth
  • government sector
  • private sector
  • non-profit organizations
  • demand for anthropologists
  • sector-specific skills
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