In the past, people lived in one place for a long time, but now they can live in many different places. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development?
Centruies
ago,when Correct your spelling
Centuries
travel
facilities were only in budding
stage, Add an article
the budding
human
population stayed in Correct article usage
the human
one
geographical location for entire
Correct article usage
the entire
life-time
. Correct your spelling
lifetime
Whereas
, mobility
of Correct article usage
the mobility
communiities
is Correct your spelling
communities
rapidily
evolving now.
Correct your spelling
rapidly
One
can say that this
is a positive development
despite some deleterious effects of this
migration. This
essay examines the causes of this
movement of people
and why it is a positve
Correct your spelling
positive
development
.
To begin
with, first
and foremost reason for Add an article
the first
people
to travel
is that the distribution of the resources on the Earth is not uniform. When a community is saturated with population, the resources are become
scarce to thrive. So individuals with greater Change to the active voice
become
have become
potentials
start to think about exploring far places. Fix the agreement mistake
potential
For example
, the unemployement
in developing countries drives Correct your spelling
unemployment
people
to the West. In addition
, travel
facilities are much faster nowadays, which allows to
commute Correct pronoun usage
us to
safer
and faster.Replace the word
safely
For instance
, long ago, only ships were used to reach far shores, which consumed a lot of time and health
of the sailors Correct article usage
the health
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
also
at risk. But air travel
has revolutionised the movement now and people
move easily to different places.
One
can easily consider this
as a positive indicator although
there are some negatives. The reason why it is so,
is that a mobile community adds variety which enables the community to grow as a whole rather than being stagnant. Remove the comma
apply
People
from differnt
places Correct your spelling
different
nourishes
the culture. The best example of Change the verb form
nourish
this
is Britian
. Correct your spelling
Britain
Migrant
workforce has given Add an article
The migrant
all inclusive
work culture in their NHS. Add a hyphen
all-inclusive
Hence
, one
can say that it is a positive development
.
To conclude
, mankind has always been wandering to find a
best location to live Change the article
the
on
, and in Change preposition
in
contemporary
world, it has sped up a lot. It is a positive Add an article
the contemporary
development
and should be encouraged.Submitted by krishnabalu1984 on
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Grammar
Avoid spelling and typographical errors. Examples include: 'Centruies' instead of 'centuries', 'unemployement' instead of 'unemployment', 'communities' instead of 'communiities', and 'positive' instead of 'positve'.
Coherence
Work on sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences and improve clarity. For instance, 'Moreover, rapid transportation advancements and globalization have significantly contributed to people's ability to live and work in different places.'
Task Response
Provide more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments. Instead of saying 'Migrant workforce has given all inclusive work culture in their NHS,' you might say, 'For example, in the UK, the influx of skilled migrant workers has filled gaps in the healthcare sector, significantly improving service delivery in the National Health Service (NHS).'
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic well and provides a balanced view on the movement of people and its effects.
Coherence
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for the essay.
Coherence
The main points are logical and relevant to the essay topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example