The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweight the disadvantage?
It is true that
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
of
social Change preposition
in
media
has affected
Rephrase
not affected
people
Change noun form
people's
connection
and society Fix the agreement mistake
connections
at
Change preposition
apply
all
. I believe that the positive effects of using social Correct determiner usage
apply
media
for communication outweight
its disadvantages.
One significant disadvantage of Correct your spelling
outweigh
this
trend is decreased face to face
interactions which might affect Add a hyphen
face-to-face
for
giving time Change preposition
apply
of
personal relationships. Change preposition
to
Additionally
, accession
rising use of social Change noun form
accession's
media
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
to
less pay attention Change preposition
apply
with
people. Change preposition
to
This
is
could be Unnecessary verb
apply
cause
of mental health Add an article
the cause
a cause
such
as anxiety , depression , loneliness
and possibly could change to Correct word choice
and loneliness
high stress
Add a hyphen
high-stress
level
to Fix the agreement mistake
levels
suidcide
.
Despite these drawbacks , there are significant advantages Correct your spelling
suicide
of
using social Change preposition
to
media
. Firstly
, they has
useful for people who Verb problem
are
are
live Verb problem
apply
in
Change preposition
apply
oversea
making easy way for them to keep in touch with friends and family, especially using video Correct your spelling
overseas
call
and talking Fix the agreement mistake
calls
unlimited
time Change preposition
for unlimited
by
Change preposition
via
internet
service.
Capitalize word
Internet
Moreover
, on a broder
level , social Correct your spelling
broader
media
can also
bring business benefits, such
as marketing online and working from home. For example
, selling products on social media
they
does not want space of land or Correct pronoun usage
apply
worker
just the owner of Fix the agreement mistake
workers
brand
could make Add an article
the brand
a brand
by
Correct pronoun usage
them by
self
, working from home Correct pronoun usage
themselves
are
valuable as well. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
For instance
, reducing costs for transport and saving time for relaxation.
In conclusion, although
there are disadvantages tot he
current trend of using social Correct your spelling
to the
media
, I would argue that they are outweighed by the advantages.Submitted by somiesunicha.k on
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task achievement
Your main ideas are clear, however, ensure that each point is thoroughly explained and well supported with more specific examples. You started strong by mentioning the mental health issues caused by social media but didn’t fully elaborate on these points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is mostly effective but could benefit from stronger linkers between ideas. Work on connecting your paragraphs more smoothly to enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-written, providing a clear position and summarizing the main points nicely.
task achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of social media, maintaining a balanced approach which shows a consideration of different perspectives.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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