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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say that art subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people hold the view that art
subjects
 including painting and drawing are unnecessary for students to learn in high school. From my observation, I am totally convinced that they should be optional because their precious
time
 should be spent on other important academic fields. On the one hand, it is undoubted that there are some benefits from attending drawing classes.
First,
it helps them think outside the box and be more creative.
Also
, it requires them to experiment with different approaches and solutions so their problem-solving abilities are enhanced.
Moreover
,they are considered as a calming activity which helps attendees relieve stress and anxiety. The fact is that students learning art often suggest more great ideas and behave calmly than those who never join any artistic activities.
On the other hand
,
time
 which is spent on these classes should be allocated to other crucial areas. First of all, high school students have to study lots of
subjects
 in order to pass the important university entrance exams with flying colours.
Therefore
, they should be given more chances to practice core
subjects
 like maths, physics and literature.
Second,
it often takes learners much
time
 to come up with ideas and express them in their work which puts them under high pressure when dealing with many tasks given within several hours after school.
Last
 but not least, only those who have talents feel excited when learning
this
 subject, others tend to feel bored and consider it a waste. In conclusion, from what is mentioned above, I suppose that teenagers should not be forced to learn art,
instead
, they should be allowed to invest
time
 and effort into main
subjects
 and outdoor activities
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position on the topic. It also ensures the inclusion of an introduction and a conclusion that cohesively frame the argument.
task achievement
While the essay offers clear and comprehensive ideas, some points could be developed further to add more depth to your arguments. For instance, providing real-world examples would strengthen your position.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is well-organized with clear paragraphing, aiding the reader's understanding. However, some minor adjustments in the flow of ideas can enhance overall readability.
coherence cohesion
Connecting words and phrases are used effectively to ensure smooth transitions between points and paragraphs. Continue to use a variety of cohesive devices to maintain this standard.
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes a strong introduction that clearly outlines your stance and sets the stage for the subsequent arguments.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported and logically connected, ensuring clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion successfully summarizes the main arguments and reiterates your position, bringing the essay to a coherent close.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • emotional intelligence
  • express themselves
  • compulsory
  • hidden talents
  • detract
  • core subjects
  • inclination
  • stressful
  • unproductive
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • universal appeal
  • cultural education
  • diverse backgrounds
  • standardized testing
  • academic performance
  • quality
  • creativity
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