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Writing Samples
Band 7

These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? #fathers #home #care

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Nowadays, the shifting of the parents's roles
trend
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 increased significantly, as the mother bears the greater burden of responsibility including financial support,
while
Linking Words
 the father takes on the housewife's tasks .
This
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 may refer to the higher education of females compared to males, and their greater willingness to prove themselves .I believe that despite the importance of
work
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 to women , her main role in
this
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 life is to take care of her children. Undoubtedly, with global economic inflation most of the families live on the margin of society,especially in developing countries.
Accordingly
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,most of the family members have to
work
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 to cover their living expenses. In the twenty-first century working women have become very common,as females now can get an education and get employed as same as males .The rising
trend
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 of strong independent women encourages them to prove themselves and confirm that
trend
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 .
Hence
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 they start to study hard , become hard workers , always looking forward to getting job promotions ,
therefore
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 ,higher
salaries
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 than males ,when all is equal and based on that ,the decision of who will
work
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 and support the family financially would be taken , and most of the time the one with higher wage .
However
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, the fathers with less income will prefer to take care of their children, to spare a baby sitter', private tutor' and cleaner's
salaries
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,which collectively will exceed their
salaries
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 if they
work
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 ,
that is
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 to say ,looking after the children and home by raising them ,helping them to study and doing their homework,
as well as
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 maintain the house clean will provide a better saving than their acquired wages from job . In my opinion,
this
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 is a totally unacceptable and negative
trend
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, as God creates the woman to take care of her offspring,
such
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 as
,
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apply
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pregnancy,delivery and raising them .
Furthermore
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, fills her with love ,passion ,patience and a great desire to protect them , unlike the man who designed for outside tasks .
To sum up
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,
although
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 females can get higher positions with great
salaries
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, I believe that their offspring need her personally and need her feelings more than money .

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your essay thoroughly addresses both parts of the question. While you explained reasons for the trend and expressed your own opinion, you could provide more detailed examples and broaden the scope of reasons. For instance, discussing societal changes and gender roles might add depth.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, aim to enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using more varied linking words and phrases can help connect ideas more smoothly. Revisiting paragraph organization can also improve the clarity of your arguments.
general
Avoid grammatical errors and pay attention to word choice and sentence structure. Ensuring higher accuracy in grammar and vocabulary will make the essay more readable and meet the IELTS standards for higher band scores.
task achievement
The essay shows a clear understanding of the topic and provides a structured response, with a distinct introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You supported your points with logical reasoning, which strengthens your arguments.
general
The vocabulary used is varied, reflecting a good command of the English language.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • breadwinner
  • caregiving
  • paternal leave
  • societal perceptions
  • gender roles
  • flexible working conditions
  • personal preference
  • father-child relationship
  • emotional and social development
  • household responsibilities
  • career opportunities
  • professional achievements
  • balanced parenting
  • earning potential
  • social stigma
  • societal pressure
  • discrimination
  • traditional mindsets
  • resentment
  • adjustment
What to do next:
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