IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the prison population in a European country between 1911 and 2001.

The graphs below show the prison population in a European country between 1911 and 2001.
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The line graphs depict information about the population density in European prisons, which is categorized
according to
Linking Words
 sex, between 1911 and 2000 with a 10-year interval. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is readily apparent that the number of crimes which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 committed by
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 had an upward
trend
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, the statistics show the opposite
trend
Use synonyms
 among European women. It
is seemed
Wrong verb form
seems
show examples
 that from the beginning year to the
last
Linking Words
 the number of female criminals dramatically decreased.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the male graph, it is obviously illustrated that after a significant decrease from 25000 to roughly 20000
at
Change preposition
in
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 the first decade, it almost stayed constant for a 60-year interval.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, it presented a slightly increasing tendency in
this
Linking Words
 period. After 1981,
this
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little upward
trend
Use synonyms
 changed into a remarkable rise. To put it differently, the men’s preferences to commit crime surged and outrun their population in
first
Change the article
the first
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 year, in 1911.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the prevalence of crime among women noticeably fell throughout the years. Despite the fact that at the beginning of the assessed
year
Add a comma
year,
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 the female prisoners were numberless, the first outstanding reduction happened in 1921.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, it remained steady for 30 years until 1951.
Then
Linking Words
, the women’s population in prisons
repetitively
Add a missing verb
was repetitively
show examples
 reduced.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 female prisoners moved upward to almost 2500 in 1971, it stuck in general
trend
Use synonyms
 and deteriorated after that.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words trend with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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