As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Nowadays, the utilization of cyberspace has
growing
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grown
show examples
more and more prevalent,
some
Correct word choice
and some
show examples
people perceive that
newspapers
are gradually turning into
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outdated
item
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items
show examples
. I reckon that
this
is an inevitable trend because many of its functions
has
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have
show examples
been replaced by the
Internet
and it is not healthful
keeping
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to keep
show examples
reading
on
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apply
show examples
newspapers
.
Firstly
,
newspapers
no
more
Rephrase
longer
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provide as many functions as we used to use
it
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them
show examples
. We used to receive daily news from it,
nevertheless
, the way we learn about new
informations
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information
pieces of information
show examples
has changed, with a
smart phone
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smartphone
show examples
, we are able to update things that happen in our
live
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lives
show examples
anytime and anywhere we want.
Furthermore
,
instead
of seeking jobs
from
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in
show examples
newspapers
, people these days seek jobs online, which offers more options and convenience. These
positives
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positive
show examples
features of the
Internet
outweigh the role
newspapers
played
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play
show examples
in our
live
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lives
show examples
.
Secondly
, the ink
that is
used
on
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in
show examples
newspapers
poses potential threats
on
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to
show examples
our health. Studies
has
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have
show examples
shown that ink can be poisonous to our body and surroundings
due to
the lead it contains. Lead can cause metal toxicity, in the long term,
this
not only affect people who
wok
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work
show examples
in newspaper factories but
also
those who read
newspapers
everyday
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every day
show examples
.
Besides
,
volatiles
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the volatiles
show examples
of burning
newspapers
emit into the air we
breath
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breathe
show examples
,
hence
, poison
come
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comes
show examples
back to us again.
This
harmful byproduct of ink forms chronic
damages
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damage
show examples
in our body. In conclusion, the
emerge
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emergence
show examples
of the
Internet
is a much better option than
newspaper
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newspapers
show examples
for us
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
many aspects. The
Internet
benefits us
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
gaining knowledge virtually and prevents us from touching toxic chemicals physically. I deem that
newspapers
is
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are
show examples
behind the times and it is a good thing that it becomes a thing of the past.
Submitted by wendy190427 on

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task achievement
Try to address both sides of the argument to present a balanced view. Mention some arguments for why some people might still prefer newspapers.
task achievement
In your arguments, use more detailed examples to support your points. This will make your response more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that each idea transitions smoothly to the next. Using linking words and phrases will help create a more cohesive structure.
overall score
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be improved for better readability and precision.
task achievement
You have effectively introduced the topic and clearly stated your position on the subject.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provide clear reasoning for why the Internet is more favorable compared to newspapers.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Access
  • Convenient
  • Fast
  • Expensive
  • Wider range
  • News sources
  • Perspectives
  • Readership
  • Demographics
  • Physical
  • Tangible
  • Reading experience
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