IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Nowadays, the utilization of cyberspace has
growing
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grown
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 more and more prevalent,
some
Correct word choice
and some
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 people perceive that
newspapers
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 are gradually turning into
an
Correct article usage
apply
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outdated
item
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items
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. I reckon that
this
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 is an inevitable trend because many of its functions
has
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have
show examples
 been replaced by the
Internet
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 and it is not healthful
keeping
Wrong verb form
to keep
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 reading
on
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apply
show examples
newspapers
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.
Firstly
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,
newspapers
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 no
more
Rephrase
longer
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 provide as many functions as we used to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. We used to receive daily news from it,
nevertheless
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, the way we learn about new
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 has changed, with a
smart phone
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smartphone
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, we are able to update things that happen in our
live
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lives
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 anytime and anywhere we want.
Furthermore
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,
instead
Linking Words
 of seeking jobs
from
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in
show examples
newspapers
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, people these days seek jobs online, which offers more options and convenience. These
positives
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positive
show examples
 features of the
Internet
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 outweigh the role
newspapers
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played
Wrong verb form
play
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 in our
live
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lives
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.
Secondly
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, the ink
that is
Linking Words
 used
on
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in
show examples
newspapers
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 poses potential threats
on
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to
show examples
 our health. Studies
has
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have
show examples
 shown that ink can be poisonous to our body and surroundings
due to
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 the lead it contains. Lead can cause metal toxicity, in the long term,
this
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 not only affect people who
wok
Correct your spelling
work
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 in newspaper factories but
also
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 those who read
newspapers
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everyday
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every day
show examples
.
Besides
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,
volatiles
Correct article usage
the volatiles
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 of burning
newspapers
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 emit into the air we
breath
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breathe
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,
hence
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, poison
come
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comes
show examples
 back to us again.
This
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 harmful byproduct of ink forms chronic
damages
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damage
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 in our body. In conclusion, the
emerge
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emergence
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 of the
Internet
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 is a much better option than
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
 for us
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many aspects. The
Internet
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 benefits us
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 gaining knowledge virtually and prevents us from touching toxic chemicals physically. I deem that
newspapers
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 behind the times and it is a good thing that it becomes a thing of the past.

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task achievement
Try to address both sides of the argument to present a balanced view. Mention some arguments for why some people might still prefer newspapers.
task achievement
In your arguments, use more detailed examples to support your points. This will make your response more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that each idea transitions smoothly to the next. Using linking words and phrases will help create a more cohesive structure.
overall score
There are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be improved for better readability and precision.
task achievement
You have effectively introduced the topic and clearly stated your position on the subject.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provide clear reasoning for why the Internet is more favorable compared to newspapers.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Access
  • Convenient
  • Fast
  • Expensive
  • Wider range
  • News sources
  • Perspectives
  • Readership
  • Demographics
  • Physical
  • Tangible
  • Reading experience
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