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Band 4

Some people think that it is best to accept bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss bothh these views and give your own opinion

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations #bothh
Today, it seems that people are often judged by their social
status
 and material possessions, rather than by traditional
values
 like
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
, kindness, and trust.
This
 shows a growing focus on
wealth
 and outward success, but it is important to consider whether
this
 is a fair way to measure a person’s worth
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 On one hand, social media and constant interaction with images of
wealth
 have led many people to associate material success with personal value. They often try to show off their
wealth
 through expensive clothes, cars, and lifestyles, thinking that these will bring them respect and admiration. In
this
 environment, traditional
values
 may seem old-fashioned or less important because they are not as visible as material goods.
However
, despite the focus on
wealth
 and
status
, traditional
values
 still matter to many people. Acts of kindness and honesty continue to have a strong impact, often leaving lasting impressions that material
posessions
Correct your spelling
possessions
 cannot. Trust and
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
 are crucial for building strong relationships and communities. The importance of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 qualities is especially clear during difficult times when money and
status
 alone are not enough. In conclusion,
while
 social
status
 and material
posession
Correct your spelling
possession
possessions
 have become more prominent, traditional
values
 have not lost their significance entirely. These
values
 are still important for strong relationships and the well-being of society.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, effectively discussing the topic of social status versus traditional values. To improve further, consider adding more specific examples to support your arguments more comprehensively.
task achievement
To enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main point and is fully developed.
coherence cohesion
While your essay follows a logical structure, working on smoother transitions between paragraphs would further improve coherence. For example, explicitly linking points to each other can help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay benefits from a clear introduction and a strong conclusion, which together frame your arguments effectively.
task achievement
You present two balanced views and conclude with your opinion, which meet the task's requirements well.
coherence cohesion
The main points were logically organized and easy to follow, making your essay coherent and accessible.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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