IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Although more and more people read the news on the Internet, newspaper will remain the most important source of news for the majority of people. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #news #internet #newspaper #source #majority
The diagrams illustrate the working adults' routine and how they spent their time doing different activities in two
years
, 1958 and 2008, in a certain country.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 an
overall
 perspective, it is readily apparent that working had the biggest shares out of all in both
years
.
Moreover
, going out with friends and family increased the most in these fifty
years
. The working people's priorities changed during
this
 period.
To begin
 with, working had the biggest share in both
years
; in 1958, it was 33% and
then
 increased by nine
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the fifty
years
 to reach 42% to show the most noticeable increase in the
work force's
Correct your spelling
workforce's
show examples
 spent time out of all the activities. in ad
Submitted by amir.lajevardi84 on

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task response
Ensure the essay is complete and addresses all components of the task. This essay lacks a conclusion and doesn't address all parts of the question thoroughly. For example, it could provide more detail on all the activities mentioned and compare the relative importance of newspapers and the internet more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph clearly supports the main argument. Currently, there is an abrupt end without summing up the main points or providing a final opinion on the subject.
task response
Provide specific examples and details to support your statements more effectively. For example, discuss why working had the biggest share and provide more context on changes in social activities like going out with friends and family.
introduction
The essay has a clear and relevant introduction, which provides a good starting point for the argument.
task achievement
The essay attempts to compare changes over time, which is crucial for this type of task. This is a strong attempt to respond to the task requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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