IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Environmental problems are becoming a global issue and are encounter-challenging the quality of life.

#quality #life
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In the contemporary world, the most significant issue is whether authorities should be more concerned about infrastructure or ecology. Despite the fact that building new houses provides technology and economic development, caring for ecology is much more important because nature is the basement of everything.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think ecology should be
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 to take care of. On the one hand, enhancing
city’s
Correct article usage
a city’s
show examples
 architecture contributes to technological and economic growth. As an example, constantly increasing the number of houses could inspire engineers to new ideas for buildings,
therefore
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 the process could be easier and faster.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, new dwellers accommodating in the city suggest
and
Correct your spelling
an
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 innovative
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 force which improves
financial
Add an article
the financial
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 performance of the country.
On the other hand
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, our surroundings are the most crucial thing in modern life, since human is deeply connected to nature.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 investing a colossal amount of money in ecological protection and eco-education offers a healthy population. From my perspective,
hindering
Verb problem
reducing
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 air pollution in cities with many factories can assist in
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
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a
Change the article
the
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 number of diseases caused
with
Change preposition
by
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 breathing.
To sum up
Linking Words
, both new architecture and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 are vital for humanity,
although
Linking Words
 I assume protecting our ecosystem from degradation is more essential. Even though, the infrastructure helps people to get employed and encourages digital improvements,the biological world is a fundamental notion that can significantly affect humans’ health.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
Work on developing your ideas more fully. For example, when mentioning the economic benefits of infrastructure, give specific examples and elaborate on how these benefits manifest.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of some sentences to ensure that the reader can follow your argument easily. For example, revise 'Government investing a colossal amount of money in ecological protection and eco-education offers a healthy population' to 'When the government invests a significant amount of money in ecological protection and eco-education, it can lead to a healthier population.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure all ideas are fully explained and supported. For example, when discussing how air pollution can reduce diseases, give specific examples or statistics to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and structured introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
The language used is mostly appropriate and some complex structures are used effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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