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Band 5.5

In your opinion how can the government of each country eradicate or lessen the crimes committed by their own people? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

#government #country #crimes #people #support
Many people believe that the authority can diminish or prevent crimes committed by its citizens. In
this
 essay, I will propose effective strategies to mitigate
this
 problem. There are several factors that play a significant role
to break
Change preposition
in breaking
show examples
 the laws
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 individuals. The first and foremost one is lack of education. Education in primary schools is the foundation of children's knowledge that instructs how to contribute to society in a beneficial way.
Additionally
, if teachers give them the right instructions, children can distinguish what is really bad or good in their later
life
. In hard times, students will remember what their teacher said about these situations and try to avoid
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
extremely awful ones.
Moreover
, extra lessons in prisons can change the attitude of prisoners which leads to an excellent
life
 without crimes in the future. In fact, 43% of ex-prisoners did not return from their peaceful
life
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 prison cause of these helpful educational systems. Low-employment area which leads poor economy is another factor. Obviously, individuals will find other ways to make money if the government do not care about their
life
 and their job opportunities.
Hence
, crimes and pickpocketing will continue to increase in the economic hardship zones. Of course, criminals
also
 have a family.That's why, they will be involved with the sea of violations because they have to supply their loved ones with goods. If they have a job with great
payment
Replace the word
pay
show examples
, they will not do anything wrong that can have a bad influence on the government. In conclusion, the government should pay attention to education in primary schools. Enhancing job availability is the key factor in preventing forced criminal acts.
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coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes all the key points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use correct prepositions. For example, 'cause of' should be 'because of.'
task achievement
Try to use a variety of sentence structures to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
Your essay effectively highlights two key areas: education and employment, which are crucial to reducing crime.
task achievement
The examples you provided, such as the statistic about ex-prisoners, add credibility and support to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, starting with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs, and ending with a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • law enforcement
  • recidivism
  • surveillance
  • crime-prone areas
  • rehabilitation
  • reintegration
  • mental health services
  • public awareness campaigns
  • deterrence
  • at-risk populations
  • stringent laws
  • quick response
  • crime prevention
  • data analytics
  • trust and cooperation
  • opportunities
  • education programs
  • employment programs
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