IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

People can know about cultures and life through internet. So there is no need to travel to other countries to know about the culture. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #cultures #life #internet #travel #countries #culture
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
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 is a borderless medium which connects people to a different degree and in
different
Change the article
a different
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way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
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although
, travelling gives you first-hand
experience
 of culture with modernity.
This
 essay disagrees partially with the aforementioned issues and gives reasons for it. Travelling provides the
experience
 to discover the enchanting tapestry of culture, history, and awe-inspiring sights that a magnificent country must offer. One can feel the intoxicating blend of old-world charm and modern vibrancy, which can leave an indelible mark on many hearts.
For instance
, seeing
Taj
Correct article usage
the Taj
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 Mahal on
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 provides a shallow
experience
whereas
 travelling gives an opportunity for monuments to
engaged
Wrong verb form
engage
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 directly with the globetrotter and tell their story. Another most telling argument regarding travelling is that it broadens the horizon of one’s capabilities, cultivate warmth and understanding for one another, increases awareness, builds cultural sensitivity, and cohesion among people,
similarly
 fosters a sense of well-being within
one self
Correct your spelling
oneself
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 like many voyagers are visiting communities on remote islands and learning about their way of life, cultural activities, and family dynamic of these groups
as a result
 many books have written about the experiences, don’t and dos are for these places are mentioned clearly
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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To conclude
, travelling offers a thrilling
experience
, allows a person to discover places by themselves
hence
, it is important to travel around the world to know more about culture.
Submitted by ali695313 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the writer's stance and the main points that will be discussed in the essay. This provides a roadmap for the reader.
task achievement
Expand on examples and evidence to strengthen main points. For instance, further elaborate on how traveling to remote islands has contributed to cultural sensitivity.
task achievement
Proofread for small grammatical errors and sentence structure issues to enhance readability. Some sentences can be more concise for clarity.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and provides compelling arguments for why traveling is important to experience cultures firsthand.
relevant specific examples
The use of specific examples, such as visiting the Taj Mahal, adds depth to the discussion and helps illustrate the points made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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