IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As water is valuable resource, governments all over the world should control how much water their citizens use. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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these
dyas
Correct your spelling
days
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology has been developing and our lifestyles are so diverse from the past;
however
Linking Words
, we use a lot of
water
Use synonyms
 today and it is a big matter which it is important that
govrnments controle
Correct your spelling
governments control
 inhabitants'
uasage
Correct your spelling
usage
Use synonyms
water
Change preposition
of water
show examples
. I subscribe
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
 idea owing to the fact that
this
Linking Words
resourse
Correct your spelling
resource
 will be the people who live in
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 inheritance
also
Linking Words
, less
water
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a lot of effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our foods and health. On the one hand, if we do not save
water
Use synonyms
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 our children will not
utilaize
Correct your spelling
utilise
 so much
water
Use synonyms
;
as a result
Linking Words
, they will not be able to improve their industries
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 power planets ,which need
water
Use synonyms
vapor
Change the spelling
vapour
show examples
 for generating electricity, refineries, and other things.
In addition
Linking Words
,
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 do not good
climet
Correct your spelling
climate
 and environment
inas
Correct your spelling
as
 much as these items need
water
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
complate
Correct your spelling
complete
 their cyrculation and if do not
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
their curculation destroyed, it will
be have
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 bad effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 population lives.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, our food
dependet
Correct your spelling
depends
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
water
Use synonyms
. In
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 when we do not
enough
Add a missing verb
have enough
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 we cannot farm;
therefore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famine
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
 and the fight will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
start.
In other words
Linking Words
, our basic meals
are come
Change to the active voice
come
have come
show examples
 from rice, which
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 a lot of
water
Use synonyms
for growing
Change preposition
to grow
show examples
, and wheat;
additionally
Linking Words
, our body
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 fruit and vegetables
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
becom haelthy
Correct your spelling
become healthy
 and all these things need
water
Use synonyms
 for growing
Furthermore
Linking Words
, we use meat of animals which they need
water
Use synonyms
 and vegetation for growing;
hence
Linking Words
, surviving us combined with
water
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
that is
Linking Words
 crucial that
athourities
Correct your spelling
authorities
 have some
plane
Correct your spelling
plans
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 save
water
Use synonyms
 sources like
controle
Correct your spelling
controlling
 their
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 usage on account of the fact that we and the
communies
Correct your spelling
communities
 who live in the future need
water
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 live.

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coherence cohesion
To improve your coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and link your ideas more effectively using transition words. For instance, 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'Finally,' might help organize your points better.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, provide more detailed and relevant specific examples to support your ideas. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
task achievement
Work on expressing your ideas more clearly. Some sentences are complex and could be simplified. For instance, 'In addition, their do not good climet and environment inas much as these items need water for complate their cyrculation' can be rewritten as 'Moreover, the climate and environment would deteriorate without sufficient water to complete necessary cycles.'
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on why you agree that governments should control water usage.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which helps provide a complete structure to your essay.
task achievement
You offer a reasonable rationale for why controlling water usage is important, such as future inheritance, food dependency, and health impacts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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