IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people have been gradually far away from reading stories since they have access to a huge range of stories online in the form of video games or movies. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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It is argued that nowadays, adolescents have been playing
video
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games
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 and watching movies more than reading books about them.I totally agree with
this
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 since it is
more
Add an article
a more
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 convenient way to receive information and available. It is obvious that reading a book requires more effort than watching or playing.
While
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 reading, you have to put effort in order to understand the story and imagine what
is
Correct article usage
the is
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 character doing or how the places look like and so on.
Whereas
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 watching
films
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 does not require you to put effort
on
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into
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 them, you already have everything in one place,amalgamated together,all you need is just click the "play" button.
On the other hand
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, we have got
games
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,where the situation is better.Obviously, almost every youngster would prefer playing
a videogames
Correct the article-noun agreement
videogames
a videogame
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 to reading since it seems more enjoyable as they can interact with a virtual world and finish the game by being fully involved. And
it is clear that
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 in the modern
world
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world,
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 young people have access to those
conents
Correct your spelling
contents
comments
 absolutely free and easily compared to the previous 5 decades.In
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films
Fix the agreement mistake
film
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 case,you can go on Google or other web browsers and search for the name of a movie you would like to watch,and it gives you so many results that provide you free watching.
However
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,not every
video
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 game is free but it is totally free to watch its playthrough on
video
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 hostings
such
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 as YouTube and Rutube.
Although
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 we cannot do the same things to books,even if you have a chance to borrow them
in
Change preposition
from
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 a library,they do not provide as much freedom as
films
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 and
video
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games
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 do. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the statement because nowadays
films
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 and
video
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games
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 are more available and comfortable ways to bump into them.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, such as particular video games or movies that are popular among young people.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by ensuring that each paragraph follows a clear progression of ideas. Consider using additional linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Be more precise in your language to avoid small inaccuracies or unclear statements. For example, instead of 'its playthrough on video hostings,' you could say 'walkthrough videos on platforms like YouTube.'
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the main argument of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well and includes relevant information about how young people prefer movies and video games over reading.
task achievement
You have identified two main areas (convenience and availability) to support your argument, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
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