These days many families move abrod for work. Some people believe that this benefits the children in these families. Other believe that it makes their lives more difficult. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In recent years, there has been an increase in the number of families, who went to overseas countries to live. Some
people
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think that
this
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situation is more effective for their children because they would be able to earn more money and have a better life, whilst others believe that living in a different country would make their lives harder because it is not easy to survive in a completely different culture. I totally agree with the first group, because I believe that
people
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can adapt themselves if they work hard enough. First of all, lots of families would like to move abroad to have better jobs and earn more money.
Therefore
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, not only the parents but
also
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their kids will have better opportunities,
such
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as a safer environment, a qualified neighbourhood, and higher education.
For example
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, if those
people
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have occupations with higher standards, they can make their children go to private schools which give more qualified education. At the same time, it affects those adolescents' future choices and chances in a better way, because they can have a profession with more money if they are educated well.
On the other hand
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, the other part of the
people
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think that living in a different culture with foreign individuals makes their lives more difficult.
Moreover
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, those parents' children will be discriminated against by native juveniles unless they can not assimilate.
For example
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, teenagers don't have friends even if they go to a good school
due to
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the lack of communication skills. Because of that, it is important to learn a new language and culture.
Furthermore
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, they should
have
Verb problem
make
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some adjustments about themselves to have good opportunities to be successful as a foreigner. In conclusion, some men and women believe that it is hard to work in another country for both the parents and their kids. In my opinion, there might be some difficulties, but they can make it easier by working hard if they have enough courage and ambition.
Submitted by bloodylady on

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task achievement
Your main points are clear and comprehensive, but some examples could be more specific and detailed to better support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the transition between paragraphs. Although your essay has a good logical structure, linking words and phrases could make the text flow more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively outlines the main points of the essay, setting up a clear structure for your argumentation.
complete response
You provide a balanced discussion of both views before giving your opinion in the conclusion.
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