These days many families move abrod for work. Some people believe that this benefits the children in these families. Other believe that it makes their lives more difficult. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#families #move #abrod #work #people #children #lives

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In recent years, there has been an increase in the number of families, who went to overseas countries to live. Some

people

Use synonyms

think that

this

Linking Words

situation is more effective for their children because they would be able to earn more money and have a better life, whilst others believe that living in a different country would make their lives harder because it is not easy to survive in a completely different culture. I totally agree with the first group, because I believe that

people

Use synonyms

can adapt themselves if they work hard enough. First of all, lots of families would like to move abroad to have better jobs and earn more money.

Therefore

Linking Words

, not only the parents but

also

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their kids will have better opportunities,

such

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as a safer environment, a qualified neighbourhood, and higher education.

For example

Linking Words

, if those

people

Use synonyms

have occupations with higher standards, they can make their children go to private schools which give more qualified education. At the same time, it affects those adolescents' future choices and chances in a better way, because they can have a profession with more money if they are educated well.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the other part of the

people

Use synonyms

think that living in a different culture with foreign individuals makes their lives more difficult.

Moreover

Linking Words

, those parents' children will be discriminated against by native juveniles unless they can not assimilate.

For example

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, teenagers don't have friends even if they go to a good school

due to

Linking Words

the lack of communication skills. Because of that, it is important to learn a new language and culture.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, they should

have

Verb problem

make

show examples

some adjustments about themselves to have good opportunities to be successful as a foreigner. In conclusion, some men and women believe that it is hard to work in another country for both the parents and their kids. In my opinion, there might be some difficulties, but they can make it easier by working hard if they have enough courage and ambition.

Submitted by bloodylady on Fri Sep 13 2024

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task achievement

Your main points are clear and comprehensive, but some examples could be more specific and detailed to better support your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Try to improve the transition between paragraphs. Although your essay has a good logical structure, linking words and phrases could make the text flow more smoothly.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction effectively outlines the main points of the essay, setting up a clear structure for your argumentation.

complete response

You provide a balanced discussion of both views before giving your opinion in the conclusion.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

329 words

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