IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #education #years
First of all
this
 statement is not completely true. not everyone should have a full-time
education
, at least it's not required . Some countries are focusing on creativity and what the students prefer
for example
 hopes, many
education
 systems are looking for high-quality skills and others are still in traditional ways for
education
, in my opinion, it depends on individuals how to search for full-time
education
. In the second way, there are some people looking for business when they are young.
also
, there are crucial basics young people must learn some skills
for example
 language and communication skills that improve the future for them and it has a lot of benefits that are useful in economic and social experience ,
additionally
, there is no difference in studying broad or abroad what actually matters are efforts person did to deserve it. In conclusion, they must work hard to approach their target whatever their educational level is because
this
 is not the scale for success.
Submitted by salahsadgg1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay needs a clearer structure, including a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will help in organizing the ideas better.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully developed and supported with specific examples or evidence. This makes the argument more convincing.
task achievement
Proofread your writing for grammatical accuracy and sentence variety. You can avoid repetitive structures and simple grammatical errors by doing so.
coherence cohesion
Use transitional phrases and linking words to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You have attempted to provide your viewpoint and have included multiple perspectives. This is good for showing critical thinking.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your main argument and provides a logical end to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
What to do next:
Look at other essays: