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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Modern technology has made it easier for individuals to download copyrighted music and book from the internet for no charge. To what extent is this a positive or a negative development?

#technology #individuals #download #music #book #internet #charge #development
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It is argued that cutting-edge technologies made it easier for
people
 to transfer private
music
 and books from cyberspace at no cost. Personally, I agree with the statement that all information
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
world wide web
Correct your spelling
World Wide Web
show examples
 should be free. There are several reasons why charging for copyrighted
music
 is a bad idea.
Firstly
, individuals on the brink of poverty wouldn't have access to spend their leisure time listening to enjoyable media songs.
Moreover
, third-world countries tend to have a bad internet connection which is required to purchase the exclusive books,
while
 charge-free media is much easier to download.
Secondly
, another negative aspect of
this
 development is the hard access to cultural
materials
, which can foster knowledge and creativity.
For instance
, many
people
 who might not have the required finances to buy
music
 or books would have a hard time enjoying and learning from these resources.
Finally
, the trend of buying copyrighted
materials
 may increase the perceived value of artistic works, leading society to undervalue creative professions and intellectual property.
On the other hand
, having access to copyrighted
materials
 may have benefits for all aspects of everyday life.
For example
,
people
 could enjoy their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 artists and read their lovely authors, which can lead to a jump in the intelligence of the world population.
Furthermore
, parenting children would have huge advantages in the near future, especially,
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 reading and listening abilities.
Additionally
, legal implications for individuals who download copyrighted
materials
 would be legal,
consequently
, reducing police work and making them focus on necessary laws.
By contrast
, the world population would spend significantly less on Spotify, YouTube Premium and other subscriptions, leading to an increase in savings. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the statement of legalizing downloading copyrighted
music
,
making
Correct word choice
and making
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 available for all
people
.
Submitted by talgattan4ez on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and explains it with reasons, but to achieve a higher score, you could further strengthen your examples and provide slightly more elaborate reasoning. Consider how the examples directly relate to the main point being made and ensure they clearly support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized and flows logically from one idea to the next. However, some points could be expanded upon for greater clarity and connection. For instance, your point about the increased savings could benefit from further elaboration to strengthen the argument.
language
Consider improving the range of vocabulary and grammatical structures used in your essay. This could enhance clarity and demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency. Additionally, pay attention to minor grammatical errors or awkward phrasing.
task achievement
Your essay tackles the subject effectively, presenting both sides of the argument and ultimately taking a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, with clear paragraphs that each address a specific point. Introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • copyright infringement
  • piracy
  • intellectual property
  • revenue loss
  • financial burden
  • cultural dissemination
  • artistic endeavors
  • creative professions
  • legal repercussions
  • perceived value
  • free access
  • unauthorized downloading
  • digital piracy
  • artist livelihood
  • content production
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