IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think are some possible solutions?

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An increasing
number
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 of people from developing nations are making their first car purchases. The principal problems
this
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 causes are
pollution
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 and
traffic
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 congestion, and the most viable solutions are electric
engines
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 and better public
transport
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. One dilemma developing countries face when their citizens start to buy
cars
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 is increased
pollution
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. One of the primary causes of air
pollution
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 is automobiles, and every additional car added to the road
further
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 exacerbates the situation.
In addition
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,
traffic
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 jams are
also
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 becoming more common.
This
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 is because roads that were built for horses, carts and even bicycles are now clogged during peak times because of the growing
number
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 of personal vehicles.
For example
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, there were never any
traffic
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 jams in Ho Chi Minh City 20 years ago, but with the ever-increasing
number
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 of
cars
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, it takes much longer to commute now. The first solution to
this
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 problem is switching to electric
engines
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. These types of
engines
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 are known to be far less harmful to the environment, and as more
cars
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 use these in favour of traditional combustion
engines
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, air
pollution
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 will improve. Another solution is to build superior public
transport
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 systems. High-quality public
transport
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 would counteract the issues currently caused by excessive car purchases as most people are already exasperated with the amount of time they spend in
traffic
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 and would sell their
cars
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 if there was a better alternative.
For instance
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, in Japan, very few people own
cars
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 because of the incredible public
transport
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 system
that is
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 in place. In conclusion, the main problems associated with the rise in the
number
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 of motor vehicles in developing countries are the decrease in air quality and clogging of the roads, but these can be addressed with the use of electric
cars
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 and by providing modern public
transport
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.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively by highlighting two main problems and proposing corresponding solutions. However, the example in the second body paragraph is incomplete. Providing a more detailed example or statistical data can enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, but the transition between sentences and paragraphs can be smoother. Ensure that each paragraph flows naturally into the next to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, but the conclusion can be made stronger by briefly summarizing the key points discussed in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are generally well-supported, adding more specific examples or evidence can make your arguments more compelling.
task achievement
You have clear and comprehensive ideas that are relevant to the prompt, which shows a thorough understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay makes it easy to follow your arguments and understand your points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage well for the discussion, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your stance on the issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • air pollution
  • climate change
  • fuel prices
  • imported oil
  • road maintenance
  • public transportation
  • economic inequality
  • societal divide
What to do next:
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