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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the results of a survey in which undergraduates and postgraduates were asked about the range of books and non-printed materials in their school library.

The pie charts show the results of a survey in which undergraduates and postgraduates were asked about the range of books and non-printed materials in their school library.
#show #results #survey #undergraduates #postgraduates #range #books #materials #school #library
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The pie charts illustrate how
undergraduates
Use synonyms
 and postgraduates assess satisfactory levels
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the variety of books and non-printed materials.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the majority of
undergraduates
Use synonyms
 consider two
criterias
Correct your spelling
criteria
 to get the highest level of satisfaction, the minority was said to have not up to
expectation
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expectations
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 experience.
Additionally
Linking Words
, satisfied
experience
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experiences
show examples
 had the highest number of feed feedback by
postgraduate
Fix the agreement mistake
postgraduates
show examples
, whilst the opposite case was for not satisfied ones. Regarding the data of the various genres of books, the proportion of
undergraduates
Use synonyms
had
Correct pronoun usage
who had
show examples
satisfaction
Add an article
the satisfaction
show examples
 and very good experience
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 relatively similar, about 35%, and the figure for not good
experiences
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 lower, at 28%.
However
Linking Words
, half of postgraduates feel the variation of books is not good, which was double that of very good and satisfied feelings, with 22 and 28%. Turning to the non-printed materials,
while
Linking Words
 above 60% of
undergraduates
Use synonyms
 rate the diversity to be very good,
this
Linking Words
 percentage was true for the
not good
Add a hyphen
not-good
show examples
experiences
Use synonyms
 by postgraduates. The percentage of satisfaction for
undergraduates
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 is almost double the figures for not good
experiences
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 (20% and 12%), the figures for graduates
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
, with 12% for very good and 22% for satisfactory
experiences
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ngocthuykatie on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words undergraduates, experiences with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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