Professional workers like doctors, nurses and teachers make a greater contribution to society and should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do agree or disagree?
In contemporary
society
, the contribution of different jobs has become a contentious topic. Many people hold a firm belief that people work as doctors
, nurses and teachers dedicated to the development of society
more substantially and should be remunerated more generously than sports
and entertainment related
jobs. Add a hyphen
entertainment-related
In
my perspective, I believe that Change preposition
From
sports
and Correct article usage
the sports
entertainment
sectors have an indispensable role to
the nation and professional workers in healthcare and education should not receive higher compensation than these sectors.
To commence with, the profound contributions of Change preposition
in
doctors
, nurses and teachers should not be overstated to be superior for any circumstances. This
is because sports
and entertainment
figures provide a
invaluable escapism, foster national pride and significantly contribute to the economy by driving tourism, advertising and merchandising. Correct article usage
an
In contrast
, the education and healthcare industry primarily relies on tuition, grants and government funding which create
a sharp difference in what values Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
that
each industry creates Correct pronoun usage
apply
to
the nation. Change preposition
for
For instance
, in the United States, sports
and entertainment
industries tend to generate billions of dollars annually, creating thousands of job opportunities for labor
. Thanks to Change the spelling
labour
this
, the United States has potentially opendoor
to a fertile field of actors and Correct your spelling
open door
open-door
sports
players.
In addition
, the inherent value and indispensable role that professionals play in education and healthcare play in sustaining the fabric of society
could be affected dramatically if their renuvue
Correct your spelling
revue
being
escalated emphatically. Wrong verb form
is
This
is because these increases can profoundly stimulate the cupidity of people who work in these fields, which consequently
leads to many detrimental impacts to
Change preposition
on
their
cornerstone of any civilized Change the word
the
society
. For example
, in many private hospitals in Vietnam, doctors
who earn exorbitant incomes, particularly focus on profit maximization and significantly overlook the ethical foundation of the medical profession. Therefore
, their irreplaceable value has been criticized due to
the monetary bases
when managing public health.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
basis
sports
and entertainment
figures play an invaluable role to
Change preposition
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
that can not be considered as
superior-less. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
giving an
astronomical compensation Correct article usage
apply
for
Change preposition
to
professionals
workers like Change the noun form
professional
doctors
, nurses and teachers should not be
Unnecessary verb
apply
occured
Correct your spelling
occur
due to
the problematic issues that could be caused.Submitted by dohuyhoang on
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task achievement
Ensure all arguments are clearly presented and expanded to achieve a higher score. Sometimes, ideas feel a bit underdeveloped. For example, your second body paragraph could be more fleshed out.
coherence cohesion
Work on reducing grammatical and lexical errors for better clarity. For example, 'being escalated emphatically' should be 'being escalated dramatically'. Errors can distract the reader and obscure your intentions.
task achievement
Try to provide balanced arguments to show an understanding of different perspectives as this can elevate your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
You might want to work on paragraph transitions and using linking words/phrases for smoother flow. Sometimes the essay feels a little abrupt during transitions.
task achievement
Your introduction is engaging and presents a clear stance, setting a strong foundation for your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a coherent structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument easily.
task achievement
You’ve provided relevant examples to support your points, making your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The concluding paragraph effectively summarizes and reinforces your main argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?