Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold . To what extent do you agree or disagree ? Give reason for your answer and include,any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

When the
first
astronaut put his
step
on the
Moon
, he said that it
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a huge
step
for humanity.
However
, some individuals state that it does not have any impact on our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, so it is not that essential to travel to the
Moon
. I strongly disagree with
this
opinion, since
this
is an egocentric view that has not been fully analyzed. In conclusion, I completely disagree that
people
should underestimate the value of the
first
human
step
on the
moon
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since it has been the
first
chain of sequential inventions and
motivating
Correct article usage
a motivating
show examples
source for many
people
to open the doors of
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
future
.
Besides
, having inspired an increasing number of children is another reason that makes it a big salam
step
. Namely, despite their daily challenges, our youngsters are more hopeful and determined about their
future
. It is a motivating factor to serve
for having
Change preposition
to have
show examples
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
and sustainable
future
in many fields, albeit to make a great amount of money for themselves. In the USA,
for instance
, it is observed that students are inclined to be more motivated to make a difference in their field
such
as computer science and medicine, which will lead to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more breakthroughs to shape
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
future
for all humanity. In conclusion, I completely disagree that
people
should underestimate the value of the
first
human
step
on the
moon
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since it has been the
first
chain of sequential inventions and
motivating
Correct article usage
a motivating
show examples
source for many
people
to open the doors of 
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 
future
.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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introduction
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coherence and cohesion
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task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. Real-world examples and data can make your arguments more convincing.
conclusion
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task achievement
The essay provides a clear position on the topic, demonstrating strong personal engagement and argumentation skills.
coherence and cohesion
There is an evident structure with an introduction and conclusion present.
language use
The use of phrases like 'egocentric view' and 'increasing number of children' shows a good range of vocabulary and expression.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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