IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. do you think the advantages of technology outweighs the disadvantages?

#people #media #touch #news #events #technology
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In today's modern era, usage of social
media
Use synonyms
 has risen up to a level where people use them to integrate with their
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
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 ones and stay updated about the
news
Use synonyms
 all around the world.
Therefore
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, there are various thoughts about
this
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 method;
moreover
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, its benefits and drawbacks which in the following passage
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are going to be discussed. On the one hand, there is no denying or any hesitation that social
media
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had
Wrong verb form
has
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 modified
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
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 of human beings in certain categories
such
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 as in culture;
for instance
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, the old, historical tradition of visiting relatives as a way of communication has given its place to virtual video calls throughout the internet.
As a result
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,
this
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 happening reduces the closeness between families and friends which could damage their relations.
Also
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, the number of
news
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 organizations has increased significantly since the beginning of the emergence of social
media
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;
this
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 led
many
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to many
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 concerns
into
Change preposition
in
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 humans' minds because of the lack of trust in those
news
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 agencies.
On the other hand
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, social networks have played an essential role in the development of human nature
in
Change the preposition
at
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 the beginning of
digital
Add an article
a digital
the digital
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 era.
Firstly
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, even with all the negative points in the process of communicating online ,
this
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 technology has brought
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society the ability to
get connection
Wrong verb form
connect
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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or
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apply
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friends, families or colleagues from the other side of the planet, thousands of miles away.
Secondly
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, the platform of social networks
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 become the main source for achieving all kinds of
news
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 events, festivals, concerts, politics and many more
to mention
Verb problem
apply
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.
In addition
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, virtual
news
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 channels have helped the environment dramatically by cutting the use of paper in their factories, as they do not produce newspapers anymore. In conclusion, virtual
media
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 has become an inseparable part of our lives, because of all the positive, functional and
life changing
Add a hyphen
life-changing
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 abilities it gives us which makes it obvious that its advantages outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
While the essay covers both the advantages and disadvantages of social media, it would benefit from more specific examples. For instance, mentioning particular social media platforms or news events could make the argument more relatable and grounded.
task achievement
Some of the points could be more clearly articulated. For instance, the argument about the number of news organizations could be expanded to explain how this affects trust in news agencies. Ensure each point is fully developed.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that aligns with the main argument. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs could also be more fluid.
coherence cohesion
Although the structure is generally logical, consider breaking the paragraphs into smaller sections to enhance readability. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view of the topic, discussing both advantages and disadvantages thoroughly, which demonstrates a good understanding of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, setting up the argument and summarizing the main points concisely.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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