IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

13.Today, some food travels thousands of miles from farms to consumers. Some people think that it would be better to our environment and economy if people only eat locally produced food. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

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There is no doubt that these days lot of
farms
Use synonyms
 are located far away from consumers and
that is
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 normal because of the distance between the
farms
Use synonyms
 and cities. in
this
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 essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages. In terms of advantages, the quality of food is better
due to
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 the area of these
farms
Use synonyms
 being isolated from any pollution. about
environment
Add an article
the environment
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 it's better for the weather because it decreases the amount of CO2 and raises the amount of oxygen, it's useful and there
also
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have
Verb problem
are
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 economic benefits if people start to buy locally produced food it costs less and tastes better. To illustrate, some countries
start
Wrong verb form
have started
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 to put their
farms
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in
Change preposition
on
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 the highways near
by
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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big cities. after a period of time, the percentage of the economy increases.
in other words
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, the cost of transportation and storage is reduced and the food is more fresh and useful.
However
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, of course, there are disadvantages.
first,
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it's required accurate studies before doing any real steps because any mistake will
cause
Verb problem
cost
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 a lot of money
for example
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 if they do not calculate the required environment for the animals they will die fast and
also
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 measure the capacity of these cities equals the number of the products or they will need more
farms
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, our countries are doing a great job of making local products viable for every person and making beautiful
farms
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 and views that attract new people and tourists to visit the country
in the end
Add the comma(s)
, in the end,
show examples
 the advantages more than the disadvantages and
this
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 is a positive result.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a basic overview of the topic, but it would benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly answers the question: Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?
task achievement
Your paragraphs cover both advantages and disadvantages, but they can be expanded to include more specific examples and deeper analysis. This will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Using transition words and phrases can help guide the reader through your argument in a more coherent manner.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are difficult to understand due to grammatical errors or awkward phrasing. Make sure to proofread for clarity and accuracy.
task achievement
Try to balance your discussion of advantages and disadvantages more evenly. The current essay is more focused on the advantages, making the argument one-sided.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates your opinion, which makes your position clear.
task achievement
You have identified several pertinent advantages and disadvantages, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon footprint
  • locally produced
  • sustainable farming
  • agricultural exports
  • food miles
  • economic sustainability
  • seasonal produce
  • carbon emissions
  • food sovereignty
  • local economy
  • agro-biodiversity
  • supply chain
  • global trade
  • food security
What to do next:
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