In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, several people are well-educated, and many of them follow precautions and take care of hygiene to live longer without taking the support of medicines. In numerous nations, individuals are surviving more than the people before. It has been noticed,
living
Correct word choice
that living
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longer than the actual age has burdened our state,
likewise
other thinks
ageing
Correct article usage
an ageing
show examples
population
will be advantageous
,
Remove the comma
apply
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if the country is full of older humans. I believe, there are several disadvantages to the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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population
. One reason why I oppose the given statement, in today's era, the elderly
population
is increasing steadily.
Therefore
,
this
increment in the
population
has raised the unemployment ratio throughout the nation-state.
For example
, at the age of 60 senior citizens are retired and
then
the government has the burden of paying them pensions, healthcare, welfare benefits and leverage on taxes. Even though, It
clearly
Add a missing verb
is clearly
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defined, the expenditure of the government is been spent most of
this
.
On the other hand
, the senior citizens are
also
beneficial for the upcoming generation.
Although
,
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apply
show examples
the young generation will be aware of numerous things, the elderly
population
will make things easier for them by telling them how to handle problems in crucial situations.
Furthermore
, the younger
population
will get a senior mentorship, in which they can learn from their mentor's experience.
For example
, how they can contribute their best at the workplace,
other
Correct word choice
and other
show examples
than that, how to manage work life and personal life.
Lastly
,
this
strong sense of communication will give intergenerational support to the youth. In conclusion, I believe the disadvantages carry more weightage, As our state has to spend most of the tax income on elder people, which really shows that government expenditure on the younger
population
will be less.
Submitted by tushalk329 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages more evenly to provide a balanced view. Mention specific benefits and drawbacks of an aging population supported by relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your essay by using more transition words and phrases. This will help to connect your ideas more smoothly and make your argument easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity. Some sentences are awkwardly phrased and may confuse readers. Proofreading your work can help catch these errors.
task achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages of an aging population, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which give it a clear structure.
task achievement
Using examples, such as government expenditure on pensions, adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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