Many people believe that all zoos should be closed, while others feel that zoos have a positive impact. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Zoos
are part of a
daily life in society as educational resources, conservation and Remove the article
apply
economical
impact, but Replace the word
economic
also
ethical considerations are going to play an active role in this
analysis. During this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
i
am going to develop those aspects as positive or negative Change the capitalization
I
corrrespondingly
.
Correct your spelling
correspondingly
Firstly
, Zoos
as educational resources provide a new experience especially
for children where they can learn about distinct species of Add the comma(s)
, especially
animals
this
practice can provide a deeper understanding about
wildlife. Change preposition
of
Besides
, those experience
would allow many Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
zoos
in
force the conservation Change preposition
to
ans
research benefits supported in programs for endangered species. Correct your spelling
and
For example
, in China they create
a famous program to save panda bears, those institutions hired qualified professionals to be aware Wrong verb form
created
in
every phase of their growth Change preposition
of
specially
when they are little babies.
Replace the word
especially
On the other hand
, It is important to mention the ethical considerations because having animals
in captivity brings moral questions for that reason many foundations are dedicated to enhanced
the quality Change the form of the verb
enhancing
animal
life in Change preposition
of animal
zoos
and also
trying to crack down this
situation. Change preposition
on this
For instance
, there is a famous case about a bear that was in captivity during
many years and when he was released in a forest he stayed in the same place and walked around a tree Change preposition
for
everyday
and Correct your spelling
every day
everytime
.
Replace the word
every time
To conclude
, zoos
must have programs for helping threatened breeds supported on
their incomes. In Change preposition
by
adittion
, Correct your spelling
addition
zoos
gave they provide jobs contributing in
the local economy and Change preposition
to
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
that
Correct determiner usage
the
more
people will want to learn about Correct quantifier usage
number of
animals
and how to protect them. Nevertheless
, it is important that zoos
has
a proper space where the Change the verb form
have
animals
can explore and live as they were in their natural space.Submitted by mariajoser3 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents a clear structure but the logical flow can be enhanced. Try to connect the ideas between the paragraphs more fluidly. For instance, each paragraph should build off the previous point.
Task Achievement
The essay would improve by fully developing the points for and against zoos. Provide more depth and explanation for each argument made.
Coherence and Cohesion
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and punctuation. For example, 'i' should be 'I', and there are some misspellings like 'corrrespondingly' and 'ans' which should be 'correspondently' and 'and' respectively.
Task Achievement
The essay covers both views on the topic comprehensively and gives a clear opinion at the end, which fulfills the task response requirement.
Task Achievement
The examples given, such as the panda conservation program and the captive bear, are relevant and help in illustrating the arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a good framework for the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.