It is important for everyone, including young people to save money for their future. To what extent do you agreeor disagree
There is currently a contentious argument over whether it is very paramount for young very common habit in any society. Saving
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
iin
Correct your spelling
in
the
society to save for the Correct article usage
apply
future
. In my opinion, i
completely agree that saving Change the capitalization
I
money
for the future
is very crucial because it can aid financial security and help folster
Correct your spelling
foster
bolster
future
investments.
To begin
with, saving money
in today's world is one of the best acts any individual can cultivate. This
is because it can help provide financial security on
the long run. Change preposition
in
The
world world we live in today, circumstances can occur, Change preposition
In the
sometimes
Correct word choice
and sometimes
money
is the only way we can ovecome
Correct your spelling
overcome
such
episodes. For example
, research conducted by the economic development team,
revealed that about 75 per cent of Remove the comma
apply
people
who saved some years ago can only afford the inflated prices of house
in today's market. Fix the agreement mistake
houses
Hence
, saving money
provides a safety net for unexpected expenses and emergencies.
Furthermore
, investing in business and property isAdd an article
a
money
to buy this
idea can also
help individual
to secure a significant Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
future
. For instance
, young people
can invest in real estate which can yield returns in the future
. Hence
, investment can turn opprtunities
into brighter Correct your spelling
opportunities
future
for young Fix the agreement mistake
futures
people
.
In conclusion, I completely agree and encourage young people
to save for their future
because it create
Change the verb form
creates
a
long-term security and Remove the article
apply
yield
Change the verb form
yields
future
returns by investing in businesess
.Correct your spelling
businesses
business
Submitted by igiedaniel07 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
There is room for improvement in the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to another. You could use more transition words and phrases to achieve this.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but make sure they are well-developed and clearly tied to your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your main points should be supported by more relevant specific examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Work on comprehensively developing your ideas. Some points could be expanded to provide a fuller response to the prompt.
task achievement
Focus on providing more specific and relevant examples to illustrate your points. This will make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Pay attention to your spelling and grammar. Several small errors can affect the clarity of your essay. For example, ‘folster’ should be ‘foster’, and ‘opprtunities’ should be ‘opportunities’.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and takes a clear position.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which bookend your argument nicely.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.