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Writing Samples
Band 5

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care of their children in the evening in 2022.

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care of their children in the evening in 2022.
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The given bar chart represents the average
time
Use synonyms
 spent
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
parents in an unidentified country taking care of their children during
evening
Correct article usage
the evening
show examples
 period in 2022.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly observed that the mother spent
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of their
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dressing up and teaching
homework
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 spent on active activities like playing games and
prepararing
Correct your spelling
preparing
 before bed
founded
Wrong verb form
was found
show examples
 to be equal in
both
Use synonyms
 parents.
However
Linking Words
, it is interesting to note fathers accounted for
fewest
Add an article
a fewest
the fewest
show examples
Use synonyms
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 in all of the comparing
acitivies
Correct your spelling
activities
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, at about 75%, the mothers spent the greatest amount of
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dressing up their children, followed by teaching
homework
Use synonyms
 at 50% and preparing for bed at 42%. Surprisingly,
both
Use synonyms
 of them
having
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their loved ones
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 playing games at 70% and preparing for bed at 50%
while
Linking Words
homework
Use synonyms
 and dressing
done
Add a missing verb
were done
show examples
 together at 38% and 22%, respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is obvious that the fathers solely spent
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 with their
kins
Fix the agreement mistake
kin
show examples
 than
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 counterparts
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
less than 10% in all of the activities. To be specific, the fathers used 10% of their
time
Use synonyms
 in
generally
Change the word
general
show examples
 to teaching
homework
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 that of
both
Use synonyms
 playing games and preparing for bed at half of
homework
Use synonyms
 at 5% and that of dressing accounted for only 2%. In summary, it is noticeable that the mothers play
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
 role in looking after their babies compared with their spouses. Meanwhile, when it comes to choir and
educational
Replace the word
education
show examples
 the mother
took
Wrong verb form
takes
show examples
 the lead
while
Linking Words
 quality
time
Use synonyms
both
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents will
done
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 together.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, homework, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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