IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care of their children in the evening in 2022. (rerewrite)

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of how parents in a country spent time taking care of their children in the evening in 2022. (rerewrite)
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart illustrates the percentage of
time
Use synonyms
 that
mothers
Use synonyms
, fathers, and
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 together spent on various evening
activities
Use synonyms
 with their children in a certain country in 2022.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
mothers
Use synonyms
 spent the most
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dressing and helping with
homework
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 fathers contributed the least to these
activities
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, playing games and preparing for bed were
activities
Use synonyms
 where
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 were more equally involved, though
mothers
Use synonyms
 still played a predominant role.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
mothers
Use synonyms
 dedicated the highest percentage of their
time
Use synonyms
 to dressing their children,
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around 75%, followed by assisting with
homework
Use synonyms
 at 50%
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and preparing for bed at 42%. Fathers,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, contributed the least amount of
time
Use synonyms
, with their involvement peaking at 10% for helping with
homework
Use synonyms
. Their participation in playing games and preparing for bed was even lower, at approximately 5% each,
while
Linking Words
 they spent almost no
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dressing, at just 2%. When
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 participated together, the most
time
Use synonyms
 was spent playing games,
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 70%, and preparing for bed,
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 50%.
However
Linking Words
, their combined efforts were less prominent in
homework
Use synonyms
 and dressing, at 38% and 22%, respectively. In summary,
mothers
Use synonyms
 were the primary caregivers during the evening, particularly in educational and preparatory
activities
Use synonyms
. Fathers’ involvement was minimal across all
activities
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
both
Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
 were more equally involved in recreational and bedtime routines.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, mothers, both, parents, activities, homework with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: