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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, younger people are neglecting their right to vote. What problems does this cause and what are some of the possible solutions?

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In certain countries around the globe,
younger
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the younger
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 generation are refusing to vote.
This
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 essay will examine particular causes of
this
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 trend and possible solutions
of
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to
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this
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 issue. The two main causes of
this
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 problem are lack of awareness amongst
youth
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 and fear of
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government
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the government
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in
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to
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certain
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a certain
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 degree. Parents,
esspecially
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especially
 in developing countries, do not pay enough attention to their children's political education.
In addition
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, most of the school's
program
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programs
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also
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 do not contain subjects related to politics, which leads to
lack
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a lack
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 of knowledge and interest in
people
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's early ages. Because of the
authoritorian
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authoritarian
govenment
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government
 and
paucity
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the paucity
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 of valid and transparent data from them,
people
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 are afraid of voting. The reason behind
that is
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 fear of losing comfort or any harm to themselves and their relatives.
Therefore
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people
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are not tend
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do not tend
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 to do any of the political actions. Some of the possible solutions to
this
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 problem are promoting awareness
since
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from
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early
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an early
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 time and providing transparency of data. Enlightening
youth
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 about the significance of selections to
country's
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the country's
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overall
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 development will provide clearness in their minds since teenage times, and
also
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 younger
people
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 will feel
responsibilty
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responsible
responsibility
 for not only
their
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there
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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whole
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the whole
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 country's bright future.
Moreover
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,
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government's
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the government's
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 transparent policy will ,ultimately, alter
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youth's
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the youth's
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government
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 perception in
the
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a
show examples
possitive
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positive
 way.
For instance
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,in
USA
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the USA
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 and Europe,
people
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 who participate in selections are younger
in
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on
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avarage
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average
 than in some developing countries
due to
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Correct article usage
the abilty
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abilty
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ability
 to see any
of
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apply
show examples
information about
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government's
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the government's
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 actions .
To conclude
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, because of problems in upbringing and lack of trust in
government
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 lead to ignorance of their right to vote from younger
people
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.
However
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, enlightening
youth
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 and
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government's
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the government's
show examples
 transparent policy can make
this
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 situation much better.

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grammar
Review grammar and spelling to improve accuracy, such as 'esspecially' (especially), 'govenment' (government), 'authoritorian' (authoritarian), 'paucity' (scarcity), 'tend to do' (tend not to do), 'selections' (elections), 'responsibilty' (responsibility), 'clearness' (clarity), 'possitive' (positive), 'avarage' (average), and 'abity' (ability).
task achievement
Increase the depth and breadth of supporting points. Provide more specific examples and detailed explanations for how fostering awareness or government transparency can encourage youth voting.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure variety and clarity. Avoid repetitive structures and ensure each sentence clearly conveys its intended meaning.
organization
Clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, problem discussion, solutions, and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Appropriate use of transitional phrases such as 'in addition,' 'moreover,' and 'for instance' to guide the reader through the essay.
task achievement
Identified two main causes (lack of awareness and fear of government) and proposed clear solutions (promoting awareness and providing transparency). This shows good understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • democratic process
  • political instability
  • skewed representation
  • governance
  • erosion
  • civic education
  • alienation
  • policy-making
  • accessible
  • incentives
What to do next:
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