IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, many people do not have enough money to access the Internet. Should governments be responsible for ensuring that everyone can get access to the Internet?

#countries #people #money #access #internet #governments
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In some countries, many
people
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 do not have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
internet
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access
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 because they do not have enough money. The government should take responsibility for ensuring that everyone can get
access
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 to the
Internet
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.
This
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 essay will argue the benefits of the
Internet
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such
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 as
information
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access
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 and wireless connection.
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Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
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 is the most important tool to get
information
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 without using any extra sources. Using the net enables
people
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 to read news articles or scientific articles regardless of position and time.
For instance
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, there are a bunch of websites
in
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on
show examples
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Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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such
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 as Wikipedia or other official news or scientific magazines
website
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websites
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 where you can
access
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 any existing data.
Thus
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,
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Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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 breaks the limits between
people
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 and
information
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 giving
access
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 to anyone and everywhere. Wireless connection is
a
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apply
show examples
one of the features of
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Internet
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the Internet
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 enabling
people
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 to stay in touch with others.
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Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
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 is a big web which connects every single position on planet Earth which enables it to send and claim messages, calls,
information
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, websites and media.
For instance
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, if your family or relatives are travelling abroad
one
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you
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 can call them and talk to them and
also
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 can call by video which enables one to see how their travel going.
That is
Linking Words
 why
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Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 is a good way to connect
people
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 above
planet
Correct article usage
the planet
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 without any limitations. Many
people
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, in some countries, could not
reach
Verb problem
access
show examples
Use synonyms
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
access
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 because they did not have any money in some countries. The government should ensure
the
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apply
show examples
Internet
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access
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 for everyone because of
benefits
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the benefits
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 that
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Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 can give to
people
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such
Linking Words
 as
information
Use synonyms
access
Use synonyms
 and wireless connection.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and mentions key benefits of the Internet. However, it would be stronger with a clearer introduction and a succinct conclusion that restate your main points and answer the question directly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, but the transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. Consider using transitional words and sentences to link your points more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay provides relevant examples, such as the use of Wikipedia and video calls, to support your main points.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear and logical structure in your body paragraphs, with each paragraph discussing a specific benefit of the Internet.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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