In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development?

#countries #goods #entertainment #development

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In modern days, entertainment is not only watching TV shows or going to some popular amusement park with our families but, we can entertain ourselves just by shopping. There are some downsides and advantages to

this

situation

therefore

, in

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will discuss why we should agree

this

situation

is negative for most developed countries.

Firstly

, entertainment is one of

numerous

Add an article

the numerous

show examples

needs that must be fulfilled

due

Change preposition

apply

show examples

to pursue happiness in our

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. Shopping for entertainment is done by all people,

this

habit can lead us to financial problems because everyone is buying everything, even something which they do not need,

nonetheless

; they are not financial freedom.

This

situation

can lead them to stress because of their

needs

Fix the agreement mistake

need

show examples

to update their gadgets or just

buying

Wrong verb form

buy

show examples

trendy shoes,

on the other hand

, their essential needs

not

Add a missing verb

are not

show examples

yet fulfilled

due to

their big expenses.

This

situation

forced them to borrow some

money

and commit criminal acts to fulfil their impulsive

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

. There are merits

from

Change preposition

show examples

this

situation

, they will experience growth in their economic sector because there will be a huge amount of

money

in their

money

cycle,

nevertheless

; many work opportunities will be opened and investors will invest their

money

due to

this

financial growth.

Besides

that, many sectors will experience a huge development because of these

hedonism

Replace the word

hedonistic

show examples

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

in society. Many gadgets are becoming more advanced

due

Change preposition

apply

show examples

to comply

their

Change preposition

with their

show examples

consumer needs,

this

situation

can help anything done faster because of technological development

happened

Wrong verb form

happening

show examples

in all sectors. In conclusion, we can entertain ourselves just by

walk in

Add a hyphen

walk-in

show examples

near parks with our loved ones or just having dinner with our families, we do not need

shop

Fix the infinitive

to shop

show examples

to entertain ourselves because

this

habit can create a hedonism

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

and stress because of the need to update unimportant things or forced to buy unnecessary

stuffs

Change the wording

stuff

kinds of stuff

pieces of stuff

show examples

for our lives.

Submitted by riani.the2 on Fri Aug 16 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical progression of ideas could be improved. Try to make your points flow more naturally from one to the next.

task achievement

While you have addressed the task and provided reasons for considering shopping as a form of entertainment to be a negative development, your ideas could be expressed more clearly. Some sentences are a bit awkward or confusing, which affects clarity.

task achievement

Your main points are supported, but they could be further developed with more specific examples or detailed explanations. This would strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.

coherence cohesion

You have a clear introduction that sets up the topic and your stance, as well as a conclusion that summarizes your main points effectively.

task achievement

You have made a logical effort to weigh both the negative and positive aspects of shopping as entertainment, which shows a balanced approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

Increasing numbers of students are choosing to study abroad. To what extent does this trend benefit the students themselves and the countries involved? What are the drawbacks?

Many people are working at home rather than in the workplace. Some people believe this will bring benefits to the workers and their families, but others suggest it will cause stress in the home. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Nowadays it is possibe to use computers and moblie phones for automatic language translation, and there is no need for human translators and interpreters. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Public transport helps save money and curbs pollution over private transport. What do you prefer and why?