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Band 2.5

As countries develop, many people are able to purchase a car. Do you think that the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment?

#countries #people #purchase #car #environment
In many developed countries, people can afford a car, which
affect
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affects
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 to environment. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I believe that
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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 outweigh
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
,
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apply
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 because engine automobiles increase
level
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the level
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 of air pollution and traffic
jums
Correct your spelling
jams
 to cities. There are many
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
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 with our planet, people bring huge air,soil and water pollution to Earth.
This
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
overconsuming
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of overconsuming
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 and
rapid
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the rapid
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 increase of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
. A lot of humans can buy
cars
, especially several automobiles in one family.
For example
, four members of
family
Add an article
the family
a family
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 can get 3
cars
, one for
father
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the father
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, one for
mother
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the mother
show examples
 and
last
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the last
show examples
 for special occasions. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, they produce more gases
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
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.
On the other hand
, recently citizens using more
own
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
cars
 rather than public transport. They do
this
 because it
save
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saves
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 their spare time and
more
Add a missing verb
is more
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 convenient.
For example
,
saved
Wrong verb form
saves
show examples
 time adults can spend with their friends or family. In conclusion, many adults can acquire engine vehicles,but negative sites
such
 as gas pollution or
cars
Change the noun form
car
show examples
jums
Correct your spelling
jumps
 are more valuable rather than advantages.
Submitted by olqa.zvereva01 on

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coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Use linking words and phrases to connect your points more effectively.
task achievement
For task achievement, focus on fully developing your arguments and providing more detailed explanations and examples. Make sure you address all parts of the prompt thoroughly.
language use
Consider varying your sentence structure and vocabulary to enhance the sophistication of your writing. This will help demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
introduction and conclusion
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion.
balanced perspective
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
use of examples
You provided examples to support your points, such as the family with three cars and the reasons people prefer using their own cars.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable development
  • greenhouse gases
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental degradation
  • renewable energy sources
  • urban sprawl
  • traffic congestion
  • innovative technologies
  • public transportation systems
  • electric vehicles
  • carbon emissions
  • socio-economic benefits
  • ecological footprint
  • urban mobility
  • congestion pricing
  • emission standards
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