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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The given bar chart depicts the ratio of the most expected films based on types for men and women, and the pie chart indicates the number of ticket sales for each type in the USA, in 2010.

The given bar chart depicts the ratio of the most expected films based on types for men and women, and the pie chart indicates the number of ticket sales for each type in the USA, in 2010.
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The presented bar chart shows the amount of the
preferabble
Correct your spelling
preferable
 movies based on the genres for both sexes, and the pie chart explains the Box-office takings for each type in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, in 2010. From
Linking Words
overall
Correct article usage
an overall
show examples
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, it can be seen that there was a significant difference,
while
Linking Words
 the most popular category for men was action, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 like to watch romantic
Use synonyms
comedy
Fix the agreement mistake
comedies
show examples
. Examining the first feature, action films
witnessed
Add a missing verb
were witnessed
show examples
 as the most wanted genre for men in 2010, with 40
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 total,
while
Linking Words
 for
women
Use synonyms
 only 25.
This
Linking Words
 trend followed closely behind
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the other masculine cinema like thriller and science fiction that the
proporion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of men occupied almost two-fold from
women
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, girls and boys were on the
equal
Correct word choice
same
show examples
 level for
comedy
Use synonyms
 and
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 type of
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the most striking feature was
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
romentic
Correct your spelling
romantic
comedy
Use synonyms
. It was the highest number for
women
Use synonyms
 in exactly 30 but it was the least famous for
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
,
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 only 5% of the total population
chose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
 those films. Moving on to the pie chart, the largest segment was for action
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
occupied
Wrong verb form
occupying
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost
Add an article
the almost
an almost
show examples
 half
ratio
Correct article usage
the ratio
show examples
 of the proportion.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the second biggest number was for
comedy
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 has less than a quarter. The next position was for romantic
comedy
Use synonyms
 and thriller
that is
Linking Words
 12% and 10% respectively.
Lastly
Linking Words
, only 5% of people picked the other genres.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, comedy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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