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Band 5

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and town, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation?

#people #countryside #cities #town #situation
Some teenagers are moving from the
countryside
 to reside in urban centres, thereby leaving the elderly in the outskirts.
This
 situation will leave older
people
 struggling in life and it will
also
 cause
overloads
 in
cities
.
However
, to minimise these issues, the state can upgrade the
countryside
.
Firstly
, when young
people
 leave the older
people
 in the outskirts, they will struggle with life,
feel
Correct word choice
and feel
show examples
 lonely and
this
 will
also
 cause
overloads
 in towns. By moving to
cities
 and towns, our greater
genaration
Correct your spelling
generation
 will be left with
noone
Correct your spelling
no one
 to help them
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 things they
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
show examples
 be able to do alone
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 going to fetch water at the river and
hearding
Correct your spelling
herd
 cattle,
this
 will
also
 result in them feeling lonely.
Furthermore
,
this
 transition will cause
overloads
 in urban areas.
Such
 actions are unsafe for the
cities
 because when
people
 overpopulate an area, it leads to higher
crime
 rates
hence
 creating a tense livinghood.
For instance
, in Kenya, there was a period when many young
people
 migrated to a certain town in search of
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
, within 2 months of that period, the
Kenyain
Correct your spelling
Kenyan
 police published figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 increased
crime
 rate which was
tripple
Correct your spelling
triple
 that of the time prior to
this
 period.
However
, these problems can be relieved by upgrading the
countryside
. By making effforts to provide things
such
 as better
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 opportunities
,
Correct word choice
and, good
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 standard
education
Change preposition
of education
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
many would move to the
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
insearch
Correct your spelling
in search
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 from the villages,
therefore
 the younger ones will not find a reason to leave the old
people
 alone in the
countryside
 .
For example
, in Zimbabwe, the government built a very big university in one of the country's rural areas in order to cut the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of those leaving the rural areas
insearch
Correct your spelling
in search
 of better education.
This
 will surely
made
Change the verb form
make
be made
show examples
 the teens
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
stay around and
helped
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 their
grand parents
Correct your spelling
grandparents
show examples
 with house
jobs
,
aliviate feers
Correct your spelling
alleviate fears
 of
lonelyness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
while
 keeping
overloads
 in
cities
 and
crime
 rates very low.
It is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 our elderly will be left alone to do difficult
jobs
 that might see them struggle to handle and
also
 there will be
elevation
Add an article
the elevation
an elevation
show examples
 of
crime
 rates when
people
 move to the
cities
 and towns. To solve
this
, the nation can build
univerities
Correct your spelling
universities
 and perve a way for
jobs
 which will lure anyone from the thought of moving away for a new place.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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structure
Your ideas are clear, but consider organizing them in separate paragraphs for clearer understanding. For example, give each main problem and its solution its paragraph.
grammar/spelling
Pay attention to grammar and spelling to improve clarity, e.g., 'effforts' should be 'efforts', 'dream to begging' should be 'begin their career'.
examples
Make sure your examples are succinct and directly connected to your main points, e.g., your example about Kenya could be shorter and more directly linked to the problem of overpopulation.
task response
You have addressed both parts of the prompt by identifying problems and suggesting solutions, which shows a good understanding of the task.
task response
Your use of specific examples, such as the one from Kenya, adds value to your essay by providing concrete evidence for your arguments.
coherence
You have made a logical structure in your essay with introduction, main body, and conclusion, which aids reader comprehension.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural exodus
  • workforce decline
  • social services
  • cultural erosion
  • economic stagnation
  • depopulation
  • infrastructure burden
  • generational gap
  • policy interventions
  • economic diversification
  • rural infrastructure
  • community-based projects
  • mobile healthcare
  • communal ties
  • incentive schemes
  • urban influx
  • village abandonment
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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