Some people think that government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elswhere. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Art
is considered valueable
Correct your spelling
valuable
Correct word choice
and get
get
used for different means and Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
government
spends a fortune of Correct article usage
the government
money
to maintain and safeguard such
treasures. However
, many believe that it is just a waste of money
which can be spent on something else. I somewhat disagree with this
statement, this
essay will discuss and try to identify why this
is the case with suitable examples.
To begin
with, the arts
are widely known for the different perspective
to visualize artists' work. Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
For instance
, Monalisa is a
Correct article usage
apply
globally
Change the adverb
global
reknown
for Correct your spelling
known
a
painting of Correct article usage
apply
a women
without expression, Correct the article-noun agreement
women
a woman
while
different stories around the
Correct article usage
apply
monalisa
Change the capitalization
Monalisa
makes
it more interesting resulting in making it a treasure. Change the verb form
make
Furthermore
, these arts
pose a way of expression in front of society, this
on many occasions motivates many other students and Correct word choice
and this
people
to show stories through their arts
. Fix the agreement mistake
art
Thus
, making a valid point for government
to spend Correct article usage
the government
money
their money
on.
Conversely
, people
who advocate art
as a waste of money
describes
Correct subject-verb agreement
describe
the
society's other Correct article usage
apply
pressuring
point which has more significance in Verb problem
pressing
people
lives Change noun form
people's
such
as,
poverty, education, Remove the comma
apply
healthcare
. Correct word choice
and healthcare
Government
spending money
on art
directly influences people
into showing that government
prefer more about Correct article usage
the government
money
than
Change preposition
to
people
. Therefore
, making
a valid point to Wrong verb form
this makes
advice
Replace the word
advise
government
to not spend on Correct article usage
the government
art
projects.
In my personal opinion, Although
it is true that there are plenty of things that government
should focus on Correct article usage
the government
such
as resolving the poverty issue, reducing the
healthcare prices Correct article usage
apply
with
advancing the healthcare and improving education from Change preposition
by
ground
level, Correct article usage
the ground
but
different Remove the conjunction
apply
art
project have their cultural significance. Furthermore
, it is highly motivative
for Replace the word
motivating
introvert
and specially Fix the agreement mistake
introverts
people
.
In conclusion, it reaffirm
my position of party disagreement with Change the verb form
reaffirms
this
statement. Arts
have a significant
value for some Correct quantifier usage
more significant
people
than the other. For some
it is a motivating factor and for Add a comma
some,
some
it is Add a comma
some,
a
asset to earn Change the article
an
money
. Despite every significant value, government
spending a lot of Correct article usage
the government
money
on these
Change the determiner
this art
art
is not justifiable. I believe government
spending on such
art
is beneficial for society, till it is justifiable.Submitted by nick
on
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task achievement
Try to clarify and expand on your main ideas. For example, when discussing poverty, healthcare, and education, elaborate more on why these are pressing issues that may require more funding.
task achievement
Work on using specific and relevant examples to support your points. This can make your arguments stronger and more persuasive. For instance, you could mention specific government-funded art projects and their impacts as examples.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to coherence and cohesion. Use more varied transitional phrases to clearly connect your points and paragraphs. This will make your essay flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Review your introduction and conclusion to ensure they effectively frame your argument. The conclusion should succinctly restate your position and summarize your main points without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Proofread for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases to improve clarity. For example, "global reknown" should be "globally renowned" and "a painting of a women" should be "a painting of a woman".
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You have made an effort to present both sides of the argument, which shows a good understanding of the complexity of the issue.