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Band 5

In some countries, it is possible for people to have a variety of food that has been transported from all over the world. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #variety #food #world
Importation of
food
 all over the world tends to provide diversity in
food
 in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 countries. I
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 believe there are significant benefits of transporting
food
 and enjoying various cuisines rather than depending upon
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
local
food
 only.
To begin
 with,
transportation
Correct article usage
the transportation
show examples
 of
food
 from
country
 to
country
 can enhance cultural knowledge among nations and can preserve the heritage of
food
 culture. Not only the cultural aspect plays
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
 role but diverse
food
 can have numerous nutritional benefits.
Due to
 various weather conditions, not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries can produce all types of crops and
food
. So, relying upon different countries for different foods and culinary traditions is the most suitable way to have a balanced diet.
Moreover
, transportation is directly linked to import and export which is a considerable approach to
boosts
Wrong verb form
boost
show examples
 the economy and the nation.
Also
, it
creats
Correct your spelling
creates
 employment opportunities and
generating
Wrong verb form
generates
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 source of income which fosters international trade.
On the contrary
, if a
country
will focus
Wrong verb form
focuses
show examples
 majorly on imported
food
 , it can have
substantial
Add an article
a substantial
show examples
 amount of negative impact on the local
food
 farmers and
food
 producers which
consequently
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 indication towards a dip in economic growth.
Additionally
 , packed and compressed
food
comparitively
Correct your spelling
compared
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh
food
 can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 the health of locals.
Thus
, if
supply
Correct article usage
the supply
show examples
 chain or logistics
might
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get disturbed, it can ruin the
food
 chain of a particular
country
 relying upon
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
imported
food
.
To conclude
, foreign trade of
food
 has an edge over relying upon one
country
's own
food
.
Hence
, diversity in
food
 can have environmental , cultural and nutritional benefits
along with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 growth.
Submitted by simranjit2598 on

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task achievement
Your essay should incorporate more relevant specific examples to support your main points. For instance, you could add examples of certain foods that are commonly imported and how they benefit people nutritionally or economically.
task achievement
Try to vary your language a bit more to improve your range of vocabulary, which would make your essay more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammatical errors like 'creats' (creates), 'comparitively' (comparatively), and 'indication' (indicating). These small mistakes can slightly lower your score.
task achievement
You have clearly introduced the topic and provided a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The points you made about cultural knowledge, nutritional benefits, and economic impact were well-considered.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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