IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some young people look forward to a year of travelling, a gap year, before they work or university and see it as a chance to broaden their horizons. For others this is an expensive waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #year #gap #work #university #chance #horizons #waste #time
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Nowadays, most
people
 have a formal education from
kindergarden
Correct your spelling
kindergarten
 to university. Approximately for 22 years old youngster,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have spent 18 years
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their life in formal education. Some university graduate
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 a
gap
year
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 an opportunity to enhance their knowledge and
experience
;
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 others see it as a reckless action of wasting
time
.
Nevertheless
, I would say that taking a
gap
year
 can be
such
 a rewarding activity for students for some reasons that are set out below. Some
people
 argue that having a
gap
year
 for working is a reckless action of wasting
time
. In fact, some graduates end up wasting
time
 doing
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 that they don’t have passion
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
In contrast
, I would argue that taking a
gap
year
 can be beneficial for graduates.
For instance
, those who took a chance
for volunteering
Change preposition
to volunteer
show examples
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
gained some meaningful
experience
 because they will have
experience
 in expanding their 
world view
Correct your spelling
worldview
show examples
. Another argument against the
gap
year
 is that
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
wasting
Wrong verb form
waste
show examples
 money and
time
. They think that gapers end up
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 holiday and do unproductive activities.
While
 there is probably some truth in
this
, as
time
passed
Wrong verb form
passes
show examples
 by,
people
 don’t have much opportunity to take
time
 off
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 do what they desire
beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 their work. So, the
time
 after
graduated
Change the form of the verb
graduating
show examples
 from university is an ideal
time
 to gain an
experience
 outside our daily routine. Taking everything into consideration,
although
 some
people
 may spend a
year
 wasting
time
 and money, more
people
 will find out opportunity to broaden their point of view and
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 themselves during a 
gap
 
year
.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
Clarify and strengthen your examples. Use more specific instances to illustrate your points clearly, making your arguments more compelling and empirical.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between paragraphs and ideas. Ensure each point naturally leads to the next, providing a seamless reading experience.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views of the topic and provides a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-constructed, giving the essay a clear beginning and end.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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