IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that serious environmental problems can be solved by technological inventions and developments. Others think otherwise, saying that consuming less and having a simpler lifestyle is the way to go. Discuss and give your opinion.[386]

The debate surrounding environmental problems often centers around two main points: relying on
technology
Use synonyms
 and innovation versus
adapting
Correct your spelling
adopting
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 a more minimal and simpler
lifestyle
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.
Both
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 have their own merits and demerits
in
Change preposition
apply
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which
this
Linking Words
 essay will be addressing. On the one hand, human ingenuity
together with
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 innovations can tackle environmental issues. Renewable
energy
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 has enabled us to utilize some of nature’s most abundant resources
such
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 as sunlight, wind and water. They help us tackle our
energy
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 crisis
while
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 being less negative on the environment. Not only that, smart
technology
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 and artificial intelligence can make devices and home appliances as
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energy efficient
Add a hyphen
energy-efficient
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 as possible. Smart
technology
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 can link devices together using Wi-Fi, Bluetooth and sensors
while
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 AI can manage all of them and keep
energy
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 bills low. When looking at it
this
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 way, utilizing green
technology
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 is very promising.
On the other hand
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, advocates of
lifestyle
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 change emphasize the importance of reducing consumption and altering
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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 to achieve environmental sustainability.
According to
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 them, the most important change is to go
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plastic free
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plastic-free
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. The amount of
plastic
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 waste on the planet is immeasurable, yet with abundant
plastic
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 alternatives, it’s high time we committed to a
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plastic free
Add a hyphen
plastic-free
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 choice whenever possible.
Moreover
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, lower consumption of water leads to less waste and pollution, mitigating the strain on the sewage and plumbing systems. Simple living , like using public transportation, using stairs
instead
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 of
Add an article
the lift
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lift
Fix the agreement mistake
lifts
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,
eating
Correct word choice
and eating
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 less meat and more locally sourced food can
also
Linking Words
 help us reduce our carbon footprint.
That is
Linking Words
 why supporters of
this
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 view argue that the root cause of climate change lies in overconsumption and overutilization and
technology
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 can only bring temporary relief. In my opinion,
both
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 technological advancements and
lifestyle
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 changes are essential for addressing environmental challenges appropriately. Relying solely on
technology
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 may overlook the importance of changing
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
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,
while
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 advocating for
simpler
Correct article usage
a simpler
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 without technological support may not be sufficient and does little for the depleting natural resources.
That is
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 exactly why a balanced approach is needed, one that combines
both
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 technological efforts with conscious
endeavors
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endeavours
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. Policies that promote green living and proper education for the masses on
both
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technology
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 and conscious living can create a positive effect, propelling humanity into a cleaner, greener future.

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coherence cohesion
The essay can benefit from a clearer structure in terms of paragraph transitions. More explicit signposting would enhance the coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or case studies, especially when discussing the potential of technological advancements such as AI and renewable energy.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the two main perspectives on the topic, setting a strong foundation for the essay.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and presents a balanced viewpoint, which ties everything together nicely.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument thoroughly and offers a well-rounded opinion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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