Some people think scientific research should focus on solving world health problems. Others think that there are more important issues. Discuss both views and give your opinion.[233]
In
this
day and age, science is deemed to be the greatest collective endeavor
in light of the advantages it has brought forth for Change the spelling
endeavour
the
humanity. For some people, scientific research should only focus on solving world Correct article usage
apply
health
problems
, while
others hold the opinion that there are more important issues. From my perspective, I accord
Verb problem
agree
to
the latter opinion.
On the one hand, it’s true Change preposition
with
health
problems
worldwide are bones of contention needing
to be tackled. If not addressed timely, those Wrong verb form
that need
problems
can have adverse impacts on people’s well-being and mentality, on a wider scale, it can even be pandemics or epidemics. Moreover
, health
sciences also
improve our lives
conditions. It contributes to ensuring a longer and healthier life, monitors our Replace the word
living
health
, Correct word choice
and build
build
us Change the verb form
builds
heathy
diets, Correct your spelling
healthy
healthy
bodies,….which leads to not only better physical Correct word choice
and healthy
health
but also
relaxing mental conditions. Therefore
, without health
sciences, our lives
quality would deteriorate, there would be Change the noun form
life
downward
trend in life expectancies, more possibilities of Add an article
a downward
pandemic
or epidemic in light of the lack of medicine. No cure for terminal illness in the future,…. Correct article usage
a pandemic
For example
, the Covid-19 pandemic which
has posed dire threats to people’s physical and mental well-being and finances. Without the timely arrival of vaccines, it would have been as deadly as previous plagues in history, Correct pronoun usage
apply
such
as the Black Death or the Spanish Flu.
On the other hand
, only health
care is not enough to cater for humanity, our lives
are composed of a large scale of other factors. First and foremost, there are other critcal
Correct your spelling
critical
problems
that play havoc with human lives
other than health
problems
. Indeed, a wide range of researchs
carried out all over the world Correct your spelling
research
have
indicated Correct subject-verb agreement
has
most
pressing issues on Earth, and Correct article usage
the most
health
problems
are just small parts of the whole, some can even downgrade the
humanity on a wider scale. Take Correct article usage
apply
pollutions
as an example, there are many types of Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
pollutions
, each Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
detertoriating
our Correct your spelling
deteriorating
lives
in different ways. Air polluion
Correct your spelling
pollution
increased
Wrong verb form
increases
risk
of heart disease, wheezing, coughing, Correct article usage
the risk
and
respiratory Correct word choice
apply
problems
and skin, nose, and throat irritation, which are health
problems
needing to be tackled. Another problem is famine which result
in malnutrition, starvation, disease, and high death rates. Change the verb form
results
Moreover
, human lives
also
requires
social facets, Change the verb form
require
such
as communications and education. Those aspects are made easier, more convenient and more comprehensive thanks to technological inventions.
All things considered, while
health
problems
pose great risks to human’s
well-being, scientific research should not be solely conducted to solve them alone but should rather be directed towards other pressing matters as well.Change noun form
human
Submitted by Andy on
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coherence cohesion
Work on refining sentence structure to improve clarity. For instance, avoid overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will aid coherence and make your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
Try to further elaborate on some of your examples to make them more comprehensive and directly tie them to the main argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, such as the Covid-19 pandemic and pollution.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.