Some people think scientific research should focus on solving world health problems. Others think that there are more important issues. Discuss both views and give your opinion.[233]

In
this
day and age, science is deemed to be the greatest collective
endeavor
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endeavour
show examples
in light of the advantages it has brought forth for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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humanity. For some people, scientific research should only focus on solving world
health
problems
,
while
others hold the opinion that there are more important issues. From my perspective, I
accord
Verb problem
agree
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to
Change preposition
with
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the latter opinion. On the one hand, it’s true
health
problems
worldwide are bones of contention
needing
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that need
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to be tackled. If not addressed timely, those
problems
can have adverse impacts on people’s well-being and mentality, on a wider scale, it can even be pandemics or epidemics.
Moreover
,
health
sciences
also
improve our
lives
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living
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conditions. It contributes to ensuring a longer and healthier life, monitors our
health
,
Correct word choice
and build
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build
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builds
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us
heathy
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healthy
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diets,
healthy
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and healthy
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bodies,….which leads to not only better physical
health
but
also
relaxing mental conditions.
Therefore
, without
health
sciences, our
lives
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life
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quality would deteriorate, there would be
downward
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a downward
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trend in life expectancies, more possibilities of
pandemic
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a pandemic
show examples
or epidemic in light of the lack of medicine. No cure for terminal illness in the future,….
For example
, the Covid-19 pandemic
which
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apply
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has posed dire threats to people’s physical and mental well-being and finances. Without the timely arrival of vaccines, it would have been as deadly as previous plagues in history,
such
as the Black Death or the Spanish Flu.
On the other hand
, only
health
care is not enough to cater for humanity, our
lives
are composed of a large scale of other factors. First and foremost, there are other
critcal
Correct your spelling
critical
problems
that play havoc with human
lives
other than
health
problems
. Indeed, a wide range of
researchs
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research
carried out all over the world
have
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has
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indicated
most
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the most
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pressing issues on Earth, and
health
problems
are just small parts of the whole, some can even downgrade
the
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apply
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humanity on a wider scale. Take
pollutions
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pollution
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as an example, there are many types of
pollutions
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pollution
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, each
detertoriating
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deteriorating
our
lives
in different ways. Air
polluion
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pollution
increased
Wrong verb form
increases
show examples
risk
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the risk
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of heart disease, wheezing, coughing,
and
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apply
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respiratory
problems
and skin, nose, and throat irritation, which are
health
problems
needing to be tackled. Another problem is famine which
result
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results
show examples
in malnutrition, starvation, disease, and high death rates.
Moreover
, human
lives
also
requires
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require
show examples
social facets,
such
as communications and education. Those aspects are made easier, more convenient and more comprehensive thanks to technological inventions. All things considered,
while
health
problems
pose great risks to
human’s
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human
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well-being, scientific research should not be solely conducted to solve them alone but should rather be directed towards other pressing matters as well.
Submitted by Andy on

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coherence cohesion
Work on refining sentence structure to improve clarity. For instance, avoid overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs. This will aid coherence and make your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
Try to further elaborate on some of your examples to make them more comprehensive and directly tie them to the main argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, such as the Covid-19 pandemic and pollution.

Word Count

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A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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