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Writing Samples
Band 4

The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufacturers in the years 2005 and 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows the worldwide market share of the mobile phone market for manufacturers in the years 2005 and 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, make comparisons where relevant.
The illustration below shows the international
market
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share
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 of different mobile phones for
manufacturers
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 in the years 2005 and 2006.
Overall
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, Nokia dominated the largest
percentage
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 in both consecutive years from 2005 and 2006.
While
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 some combined other phone
manufacturers
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 got the second highest
percentage
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 in the
year
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 2005, it declined to third in rank in the
year
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 2006. The third biggest in sales in the
year
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 2005 was Motorola. Motorola soared even higher, as the second largest
market
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share
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 in the
year
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 2006.
However
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 mobile
manufacturers
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 like Samsung, Sony Ericsson, LG and BenQ Mobile remained the least
percentage
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on
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of
show examples
market
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share
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. The most dominant in the
year
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 2005 was Nokia as it had a 32.5%
market
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share
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.
Moreover
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, it maintained its dominance by the following
year
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 (2006) with a 35%
market
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share
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. It was followed by combined other mobile
manufacturers
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 by 19.2% recorded in the
year
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 2005.
While
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 other phone companies ranked second in the
year
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 2005, it dropped to 16.2% in the
year
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 2006.
However
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, Motorola which ranked third
on
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in
show examples
 the
year
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 2005 with 17.7% of the
market
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share
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, rose higher in the following
year
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 (2006) with 21.1%.
On the other hand
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, Samsung got the fourth spot on the biggest
market
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share
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 in 2005 with a 12.7% recorded
percentage
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. But during the
year
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 2006 Samsung’s
market
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share
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 dropped to 11.8%.
While
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 other phone companies like Sony Ericsson, LG, and BenQ Mobile got the least
market
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share
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 for both years of 2005 to 2006 with only 2.4% to 7.4% range of
market
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share
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words market, share, manufacturers, percentage, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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