In many countries, people live longer and longer. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

#countries #people #development

It has been seen that in some countries

people

started living longer as expected than they used to .

Although

this

trend comes with significant merits

such

as spending quality time and fostering

relation

Fix the agreement mistake

relations

show examples

with

grand parents

Correct your spelling

grandparents

show examples

, it would have certain drawbacks associated

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with

show examples

such

surge

Add an article

a surge

the surge

show examples

in population growth. I believe that

this

would

get

Verb problem

show examples

easily controlled by implementing banning laws. There are several notable advantages.

Firstly

, being with grandparents brings harmony

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show examples

their family. As

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apply

show examples

children will get the opportunity to spend

the

Change the word

their

show examples

spare time and could learn many important life lessons from them. To give an example, in some Hindu cultures it is seen that

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

more practical at an early age

this

is why

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they always

lives

Wrong verb form

lived

show examples

in a joint family with their grandparents since the time they were born.

Secondly

people

who

lives

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live

show examples

abroad

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

always

have

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had

show examples

a fear of

loosing

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losing

show examples

their family members

while

they are away. If the

people

starts

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start

show examples

living longer

then

it would help to overcome the fear

thus

, these

people

could embrace their bond later when they visit home.

On the other hand

this

trend

also

brings some threats to the country. The potential drawback is that if

people

start dying later

then

it would lead to overpopulation and their mortality rates will be surged.

Although

Correct word choice

However

show examples

this

could be dealt

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with by

show examples

introducing policies

such

as restricting

couple

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couples

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per two kids. To illustrate, if

this laws

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this law

these laws

show examples

are introduced

then

it would

benefits

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benefit

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both the family and the government. As

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apply

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once could enjoy being around their family members.

This

also

aids in hindering the effects of overcrowding in the region.

To conclude

, there are many significant merits linked with it

such

as fostering emotional

bond

Fix the agreement mistake

bonds

show examples

and learning life lessons from older

people

This

is why I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

However

, in order to eradicate the drawbacks, one should need to learn family planning as per implemented laws by governing bodies so that it would not impact the

overall

growth of the country.

Submitted by sanakalsi3736 on Sat Aug 17 2024

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task achievement

Ensure your main points are all clearly related to the topic. The discussion about spending time with grandparents and learning from them is relevant, but it can be expressed more clearly.

coherence cohesion

Make each paragraph focus on a single main idea and expand it fully. Use examples that are directly linked to the main idea of the paragraph.

coherence cohesion

Check your grammar and refine your sentence structure to improve clarity. For example, rephrasing sentences to avoid confusion will enhance the overall readability of your essay.

task achievement

The essay presents a balanced view by mentioning both advantages and disadvantages of people living longer.

task achievement

Effective use of examples to back up points, though some could benefit from clearer illustrations.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

338 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, people live longer and longer. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Modern technology is now very common in most workplaces. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

Some people believe that volunteer work should be a requirement for teenagers in high schools (for instance working for a charity). To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.