In many countries, people live longer and longer. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?
It has been seen that in some countries
people
started living longer as expected than they used to . Although
this
trend comes with significant merits such
as spending quality time and fostering relation
with Fix the agreement mistake
relations
grand parents
, it would have certain drawbacks associated Correct your spelling
grandparents
to
it Change preposition
with
such
as surge
in population growth. I believe that Add an article
a surge
the surge
this
would get
easily controlled by implementing banning laws.
There are several notable advantages. Verb problem
be
Firstly
, being with grandparents brings harmony in
their family. AsChange preposition
to
,
children will get the opportunity to spend Remove the comma
apply
the
spare time and could learn many important life lessons from them. To give an example, in some Hindu cultures it is seen that Change the word
their
young
generation Correct article usage
the young
are
more practical at an early age Correct subject-verb agreement
is
this
is why as
they always Correct word choice
apply
lives
in a joint family with their grandparents since the time they were born. Wrong verb form
lived
Secondly
, people
who lives
abroad Change the verb form
live
has
always Correct subject-verb agreement
have
have
a fear of Change the verb form
had
loosing
their family members Replace the word
losing
while
they are away. If the people
starts
living longer Change the verb form
start
then
it would help to overcome the fear thus
, these people
could embrace their bond later when they visit home.
On the other hand
, this
trend also
brings some threats to the country. The potential drawback is that if people
start dying later then
it would lead to overpopulation and their mortality rates will be surged. Although
, Correct word choice
However
this
could be dealt by
introducing policies Change preposition
with by
such
as restricting couple
per two kids. To illustrate, if Fix the agreement mistake
couples
this laws
are introduced Change the determiner
this law
these laws
then
it would benefits
both the family and the government. AsChange the verb form
benefit
,
once could enjoy being around their family members. Remove the comma
apply
This
also
aids in hindering the effects of overcrowding in the region.
To conclude
, there are many significant merits linked with it such
as fostering emotional bond
and learning life lessons from older Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
people
. This
is why I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However
, in order to eradicate the drawbacks, one should need to learn family planning as per implemented laws by governing bodies so that it would not impact the overall
growth of the country.Submitted by sanakalsi3736 on
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task achievement
Ensure your main points are all clearly related to the topic. The discussion about spending time with grandparents and learning from them is relevant, but it can be expressed more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on a single main idea and expand it fully. Use examples that are directly linked to the main idea of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Check your grammar and refine your sentence structure to improve clarity. For example, rephrasing sentences to avoid confusion will enhance the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by mentioning both advantages and disadvantages of people living longer.
task achievement
Effective use of examples to back up points, though some could benefit from clearer illustrations.