Some people think that sports involving violence such as boxing and martial arts should be banned from TV as well as from international sports competition. what is your opinion?

#people #sports #violence #arts #tv #competition

There is no

doubts

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doubt

show examples

, that a lot of

tipes

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types

of fight tournaments are

broadcasted

Wrong verb form

broadcast

show examples

worldwide. I agree with the

possition

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position

that

this

content should be banned from

and,

moreover

, excluded from international sports competitions.

To begin

with, the fact that

people

with not

matued

Correct your spelling

matured

mind

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minds

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repeat

agressive

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aggressive

behavior

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behaviour

show examples

in their lives could be considered as the reason why

should not

shows

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show

show examples

martial arts.

This

is because

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

human

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humans

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has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

copied

habits

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the habits

show examples

and actions of other

spicies

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species

spices

since our appearance.

In other words

, an individual may consume

agressive

Correct your spelling

aggressive

behavior and could act exactly the same in society.

Moreover

, we have plenty of cases, where spectaculars of fights tournaments started to fight with each other.

As a result

, if boxing and other similar sports types

was

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were

show examples

prohibited on

and

competitions

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in competitions

show examples

people

with

volnurable

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vulnerable

phyche

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psyche

would not watch

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

In addition

, the energy, that viewers

spens

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spends

spend

on watching violent

turnaments

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tournaments

tournament

could be realized

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show examples

self-development. It is hard to deny, that

whatching

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watching

fights consume

lot

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a lot

show examples

of energy from

Add an article

the viewer

show examples

viewer

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viewers

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;

danderouse

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dangerous

, pain,

adrenalin

Correct word choice

and adrenalin

show examples

all of that involve

Correct article usage

the

show examples

spectacular in process of a fight.

However

, an individual may give up his personal goals, which demand significant

efforts

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effort

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and time from him.

For instance

, moving

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show examples

career

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the career

show examples

ladder, improving

relationship

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relationships

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with close

people

getting

Correct word choice

and getting

show examples

education

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an education

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all of that may be postponed because

people

became

Wrong verb form

become

show examples

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

addicted

from

Change preposition

show examples

watching fights. In conclusion, I would stick

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show examples

my opinion that violent types of sport should be prohibited on

and

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show examples

serious competitions because

this

content may deteriorate an unmatured mind and create a

theat

Correct your spelling

threat

that

for

Change preposition

show examples

society.

Furthermore

, the consuming of

such

agressive

Correct your spelling

aggressive

information may negatively

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

achieving

individuals

Fix the agreement mistake

individual

show examples

goals.

Submitted by sergeybelov83 on Sat Aug 17 2024

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
47Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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