There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is no denying the fact that various young individuals face a kind of stress to succeed in academic life.
While
it is a commonly held belief that some humans prefer to remove the non-crucial fields from educational entities, to maintain a high level of focus on academic tasks, there is also
an argument that opposes it. A minority of people like their kids to learn extra subjects to enhance substantial knowledge from different divisions. In my opinion, I consider that diversity in education plays an essential role.
To begin
with, non-academic courses can lead to improvement operations in the
human personalities. Correct article usage
apply
In other words
, as much as the youth learn from new experiences, as much as they will build a strong personality. In addition
, communication and sharing are popular features of non-academic subjects. For example
, to
a study published on the BBC platform, the majority of intelligent kids in Canada studied extra hours in art and sports subjects, which helped them to reach around 98% grades in the international intelligence exams.
Another point to consider, kids have spare time often, which is beneficial Change preposition
according to
to focus
on new skills. It is Change preposition
for focusing
also
possible to say that skill appears through practical techniques. Moreover
, continued learning leads to new curiosity in some areas. For instance
, dancing and swimming courses have an impact on youth physical health.
In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that families should spend time with their children to advise them to try new adventures, values, or habits. which will be positive in the future.Submitted by alsalhijohara on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
While you provide a clear stance in the introduction, the conclusion could be more robust and direct, reinforcing your main argument.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully developed and supported with specific examples or evidence. This helps in strengthening your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and awkward phrasing. Proofreading your work can help in minimizing these issues.
coherence cohesion
Work on the flow between sentences and paragraphs to maintain clarity and ensure each point logically leads to the next. Transitional phrases can be helpful here.
task achievement
You have a clear and relevant introduction that sets the stage for the discussion.
task achievement
Your essay covers multiple points, presenting both sides of the argument before offering a personal opinion.
task achievement
You've attempted to incorporate data and examples to support your main points, which is beneficial for illustrating your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-structured with a logical progression of ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!