In many cities, an increasing number of people do not know their neighbors and the sense of community is lost. Discuss the causes and give measures to turn it around.?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In most metropolitan cities, it is growing numerous
people
who
are not know
Change the verb form
do not know
show examples
their bordering residents and
then
the feeling of community is lost. The two main factors are
lifestyle
and busy times. To overcome
this
address, the first one is the government make the social organization. The second is making a lottery club. Trending
lifestyle
is popular in big cities.
However
,
people
can follow the trend, if their nearby
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
do not have the same
lifestyle
. So that they do not want to know.
As a result
, it can decrease the interaction with other
people
because they are not the same frequently with them.
Besides
that,
people
more
Add a missing verb
are more
show examples
materialistic if
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
in
metropolitan
Correct article usage
a metropolitan
show examples
city than
people
Correct pronoun usage
who life
show examples
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
in
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
because they just want to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
if their fellow
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
are rich
people
.
Consequently
,
The
Correct your spelling
They
show examples
do not interact with their local resident because of different social statuses. Two main
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
are to tackle those problems. The first one is the ministry must make much social organization for the society especially if their
life
in the modern city.
Nevertheless
, they can join the event if the organization make the social event.
Therefore
, it is effective to make
people
interact with their local residents. The second factor, linked to the
first,
is the making of lottery clubs which is a trending activity in the metropolitan city.
Although
they are busy working and studying,
people
have time to gather together where
life
.
Add a missing verb
is.
show examples
Consequently
, it is the best way to overcome declined
people
not knowing their nearby dwellers.
To sum up
, some cause
people
not to know each other in big cities because they have
following
Change the article
the following
show examples
lifestyle
and most
people
are busy with daily
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
.
However
, to solve the address, the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
make
Verb problem
created
show examples
many social organizations and
people
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
lottery clubs where they live which is essential for to
people
gather together.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the key parts of the task by identifying some causes and suggesting measures. However, your response could be enhanced by providing more specific and concrete examples to support your points. This makes your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The ideas in your essay are generally clear, but sometimes the wording can be awkward and some sentences are hard to follow. Pay attention to the structure of your sentences to ensure they are clear and concise.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good, but try to make them more engaging and better connected to the main body of your essay. A strong introduction should preview the points you're going to make, and a good conclusion should not introduce new information but rather succinctly summarize the points discussed.
task achievement
You correctly identified major factors contributing to the loss of community spirit in big cities, such as lifestyle and busy schedules.
coherence cohesion
Your essay clearly presents both the problem and its possible solutions in a structured way, which helps in understanding your argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: