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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by local authorities in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by local authorities in Someland in 1980, 1990 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie graphs illustrate the shift in yearly spending by local government in Someland in the
years
 1980, 1990 and 2000.
Overall
, it is clear from the pies that higher education was a
point
 for each
year
,
while
spendings
Correct your spelling
spending
show examples
 for other stuffs were the lowest. In 1980, the percentage of high education was the main feature at 35% and
this
 aspect was 40% in 2000, and
maximum
Correct article usage
the maximum
show examples
point
 took
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1990 with 45%.
Moreover
,
transpartation
Correct your spelling
transportation
transplantation
 was the less significant feature in 2000 and
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 just above 20%.
This
 aspect was in third place in 1980 and took 16% and in 1990 it had very little proportion at 6%. Environment
sevices
Correct your spelling
services
 had
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 peak
point
 at about 10%, but in the
years
 1980 and 1990,
this
 had only approximately 5%.
Along with
 that, K-12 education had
substantial
Correct article usage
a substantial
show examples
 place for each
year
 at exactly a
quater
Correct your spelling
quarter
 and 18%, in
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 2000 and 1980, respectively.
Additionally
, in 1990,
this
 aspect had exactly
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 proportion as health and human resources at one-fifth. The second one was approximately
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
point
 for the
years
 1980 and 2000, with 14% and 10%.
Finally
, other aspects took
minimum
Add an article
a minimum
the minimum
show examples
point
 at around 5%, in the
years
 1980
abd
Correct your spelling
and
 1990,
wereas
Correct your spelling
whereas
 it showed 1% in the
year
 2000.
Submitted by Kawasaki on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words years, point, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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